


Promises

by suffolkgirl



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Death, F/M, Implied/Referenced Torture, Suicidal Thoughts, Trauma, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:20:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 36,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24497116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suffolkgirl/pseuds/suffolkgirl
Summary: What might have happened if Lee had settled on New Caprica and been there when the Cylons invaded?“Promise me you won’t give in, whatever they do.  Promise me you won’t let them win.  Promise me, Lee.”He promised. His promise to her is what keeps him going.
Relationships: Lee "Apollo" Adama/Anastasia "Dee" Dualla, Lee "Apollo" Adama/Kara "Starbuck" Thrace
Comments: 14
Kudos: 35





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was written before Season 3 aired, so my New Caprica occupation and resistance diverges substantially from canon. This story goes AU from the point Baltar wins the election.
> 
> This story came from two ideas - I wanted to write about Lee being in the resistance on New Caprica; and I had read a lot of fic at the time where Kara is traumatised and reckless and Lee tries to pull her out of it, so I thought it would be an interesting change to try flipping that character dynamic around.

**Chapter One**

_ Every time he closes his eyes he sees her face. _

_ Bruised and bloodied, but her eyes are still defiant and full of purpose as they lock with his. _

_ Every time it’s quiet he hears her voice in his ears, fierce and insistent. _

_ “Promise me you won’t give in, whatever they do. Promise me you won’t let them win. Promise me, Lee.” _

_ He promised.  _

_ His promise to her is what keeps him going. _

\---

Lee spent most nights at the resistance camp doing sentry duty at the lookout, a platform they’d rigged up in one of the trees. He didn’t sleep much these days anyway, only when he was so exhausted that he was willing to risk the nightmares. He might as well do something useful with his wakeful nights. 

He liked being up on the lookout. Liked to sit looking at the glow from the lights of New Caprica town on the horizon and feel the wind on his face after being cooped up in the caves for hours on end. He knew the caves were the logical choice for the resistance base, were what had kept them hidden from the Cylons for so long, but he still hated them. Seized every opportunity to get out of them. Sentry duty was a way to escape both the smothering rock walls and the people packed in there with him.

Cally often joined him on those nights at the lookout. She didn’t sleep much either, since the Cylons took her baby away.

He didn’t mind Cally’s company, because she didn’t say much. She stood on the edge of the platform, staring out over the treetops. Some nights she stared down at the ground, and Lee wondered if he should say something, draw her back from the edge.

He never did, though. It wasn’t his place.

Tonight she was staring out over the treetops, and it was several hours before she spoke.

“She’s out there somewhere, you know.”

Lee didn’t have to ask who she meant. He knew. 

“I just wonder if I’ll ever find her again. Galen says we will, but then he would, wouldn’t he?” She laughed harshly. “He thinks I can’t cope with anything else.”

“You can cope,” said Lee. He was sure of that. One night she had told him what happened to her in the Cylons’ prison. If she could survive that, she could survive anything.

“I’m glad you think so.” Cally turned to look at him. He could just see the deep shadows under her eyes in the moonlight. “Do you think I’ll find her, Lee?”

He didn’t know what to say to that. Wasn’t sure what she wanted him to say. Did she want comfort, want reassurance? He didn’t feel capable of giving her either of those things.

“I don’t know,” he said eventually, “but-”

“But what?”

“Did you ever expect to get out of that Cylon prison alive?”

“No,” said Cally.

“Neither did I.” Lee shrugged. “But here we are.”

“Yes, here we are.” Cally’s face twisted suddenly, and she turned back to the treetops. “For what good it does us.”

Lee didn’t reply. 

“We’re going to make the frakkers pay though,” said Cally, after a moment, looking at the lights on the horizon. “For what they did to us. Aren’t we, Lee?”

He knew the answer this time. 

“Yes. We’re going to make them pay.”

\---

The target was a Cylon arms cache. The resistance were short on weapons, and even lower on ammunition. As usual.

It was supposed to be lightly guarded, but when they got there, they found two Centurions at the entrance and another patrolling the perimeter. There were six of them on the mission, but they only had two guns loaded with explosive rounds.

Tyrol cursed fervently. “We can’t take down all three of them. The perimeter guard will come running at the first sign of trouble-”

He went on about possible plans of action, pros and cons, getting reinforcements, but Lee tuned him out. There was no need for discussion. He could see exactly what had to be done, and he was going to do it.

“I’ll get rid of two of them for you.” He picked up one of the guns with explosive rounds.

Tyrol caught his arm. “What the hell are you doing?”

Lee shook him off impatiently. “Distracting the guards.”

“Don’t be a fool! It’s far too dangerous.”

“It’s the only way we’re going to get that ammo. Do you want it or don’t you?”

“That’s not the point,” said Tyrol, low and sharp. “We can find another way to do this-”

Lee cut him off impatiently. “Or I can just distract the guards.”

“Apollo, stay here!” Tyrol was glaring at him. “That’s an order!”

Lee couldn’t help laughing. “Orders? We’re not in the fleet any more, Tyrol, or hadn’t you noticed?”

“Tigh put me in charge-”

Lee didn’t bother to listen to the rest. He’d had enough. “Get the ammo,” he hissed at Tyrol, and then ran out of cover before the other man could stop him.

He ran straight across the clearing in front of the cache and into the woods again, in the direction the patrolling Centurion had gone. A few rounds whistled over his head, but they didn’t touch him. He made the tree cover, and he could hear one of the Centurions pounding along behind him.

He lifted his pace. He’d always been a fast runner, and he had no intention of being caught yet. He dodged fallen branches, leaped over dips in the ground. He needed to draw the Centurion as far from the cache as possible.

His pursuer was still firing; a shot took down a branch over his head and he nearly fell over it. Another clipped his arm, but the pain barely registered. 

He could hear the Centurion gaining on him; the metal thump as it moved was closer now. He needed to let it get as close as possible, so he could make sure he got a headshot.

Closer, closer…the noise of the Centurion was louder now, so loud…

He stopped in front of a large tree and turned. 

The Centurion was nearly on him. He quickly took aim and fired.

Dead on target. It exploded, and Lee laughed - then stopped abruptly as the branch next to his head shattered.

The patrolling Centurion, attracted by the gunfire, had found him.

Nowhere to run this time. Lee fired as the Centurion came crashing towards him, but he missed the head. It kept on coming.

Suddenly pain bloomed across the ribs on his left side; he looked down to see a dark patch spreading across his jacket. He gritted his teeth, but kept on firing. Just one clean shot…that’s all he needed.

Last round. He took a breath and squeezed the trigger…and the Centurion’s head exploded.

Silence.

Lee slid down against the trunk of the tree. His legs were shaking so much they wouldn’t support him any more.

_ Two more Cylons down _ , he thought, and smiled.

\---

Cottle scowled at him and gave him a worn strip of leather to bite down on while he stitched up the two wounds.

“I’m not wasting good pain meds on damn fools like you.”

Afterwards Lee laid his head back against the rock wall and waited for the giddiness and nausea to go away. As it cleared, he realised he could hear Cottle talking to someone on the other side of the makeshift curtain.

“He’ll be fine, but he’s damn lucky to still be here.”

“I know.” That was Tigh. “I had the whole story from Tyrol.”

“I’ve told you before he’s not fit to be going out on missions-”

“I know!” Tigh again, ripe with irritation. “But who else do I have to send?”

“Have it your way. I’m just not looking forward to telling the Admiral we let his son get himself killed.”

Tigh sighed. “Can’t you talk to him?”

“I’ve tried,” Cottle snapped. “Hell, everyone’s tried. Even Roslin, and if he won’t listen to her, no-one else has a chance in hell.”

“Never thought I’d be saying this,” said Tigh, “but where’s Starbuck when you need her?”

Lee closed his eyes.

\---

He took sentry duty again that night. His wound screamed in protest as he climbed up to the platform, and he could feel something wet soaking through the bandages, but he ignored it. He’d face Cottle’s wrath in the morning.

He just couldn’t bear to stay in the caves tonight.

For the first hour he stood at the edge of the platform looking down, as Cally often did.

Cottle shouldn’t worry about facing his father. The fleet wasn’t coming back. When the survival of the human race was at stake, you had to save who you could and move on. Abandon those who fell behind. Just as Roslin had on the first day of the war, when they left the ships without FTL drives behind. It was hard, but it had to be done. 

He looked down, at the dark mossy ground far below. It would be so easy. Just one step-

_ “Promise me you won’t give in, whatever they do. Promise me you won’t let them win. Promise me, Lee.” _

He stepped back. No escape that way. He’d promised her he’d keep fighting, and he would. He thought of Cally last night.

_ We’re going to make them pay. _

He couldn’t let her down either.

It wouldn’t be long anyway. They were fighting a losing battle here, they all knew it. Every week they lost more people, supplies ran lower, the Cylons got a little closer.

It would all be over soon, one way or another.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Bill Adama sat at the desk in his quarters. He’d been working there for the last eighteen hours, ever since he triggered the communication devices he’d given to three of the colonists when they went down to the planet.

They’d all thought he was fussing unnecessarily, but now he was glad he’d insisted they take them. Turned out that old suspicious instinct of his where the Cylons were concerned had been right after all.

Now he was just hoping that one of them was still alive to respond.

It had taken nine months, but he was finally in a position to attempt a rescue mission to New Caprica. The next step was to find out exactly what was going on down on the planet.

So he had shut himself in his quarters, leaving his XO to run the ship, doing paperwork and trying not to let his eyes stray to his communicator every few minutes, willing them to burst into life.

Of course, when the communicator finally did beep, he had a mouthful of noodles. He choked it down and rushed over to his desk.

A faint voice came out of the communicator, crackling over the line. 

“Bill?”

He couldn’t help smiling. He’d know that voice anywhere. “Laura. Yes, it’s me.”

“You shouldn’t have come back for us.”

His smile widened. “I knew that would be the first thing you’d say.”

“It’s too risky-”

“I don’t care. I’m not leaving my people behind, and that’s final.”

“Stubborn as ever, I see.” He caught a hint of amusement through the static.

“Laura, we can’t risk talking for long. What’s your situation?”

“I’ve got a resistance group, holed up in the woods. Fifty or so. We can help with whatever you have planned-”

“I’ll send someone down to discuss with you. What’s your location?”

She gave him the co-ordinates and he scribbled them down.

“I’ll send them in tonight. 2100 hours.”

“Bill...can I request a particular messenger?”

He raised his eyebrows. “Who?”

She told him, and his brows rose further. “Very well.”

“I’d better go now,” she said. “The Cylons-”

“Laura-” He knew she was right, but he couldn’t let her go without asking one last question. “Is Lee-?”

“He’s alive,” she said immediately. “He’s here with me.”

“Thank the gods.” Bill cut the connection.

He sank back into his chair, something easing in his chest.

Lee was alive.

He’d kept determinedly optimistic for the last nine months, telling himself that Lee was a fighter, that he could look after himself – but he’d still been worried. He hadn’t realised just how worried until now.

He was going to get his son off that planet. Whatever it took.

\---

After a while, when his heartbeat had calmed and he felt more settled, he had his XO called to his quarters. He knew she’d been waiting for contact as impatiently as he had.

He was amused to find that she was knocking at his hatch in less than two minutes.

“Did you run all the way from CIC, Major?” he asked, as she entered.

“Hey, when the Admiral calls, I don’t waste time.” Kara sent him her usual smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “There’s news?”

“Laura Roslin contacted me. She’s in charge of some kind of resistance movement on the planet.”

“Thank the lords.” Kara closed her eyes briefly.

“Indeed.”

“And...and Lee?” Kara’s whole body tensed, as if afraid of his answer.

Bill smiled to himself. He’d known that would be the first question she’d ask. 

“He’s alive. He’s with Laura.”

“Oh.” Kara turned away for a moment, blinking rapidly. When she turned back Bill pretended not to see the moisture in her eyes.

“You see?” She smiled valiantly. “I told you he’d be all right. I told you.”

“You certainly did.” Bill was grateful for it; sometimes he thought he wouldn’t have got through these last months without Kara to support him.

“So, what’s the next step?” asked Kara, in a business-like tone. 

“Someone goes down to the planet to contact Laura. It’s too risky to use the communicator for long; the Cylons might pick up the signal. She’s given me the co-ordinates of their base, and I told her someone will be down tonight. They’ll spend a few days there, recon the situation, report back.”

“Okay. Who’s going?”

“Actually, Laura asked for you. Specifically.”

“Really?” Kara looked taken aback. “Did she say why?”

“No. But knowing Laura, she had a good reason. Are you willing to go?”

“Of course. If you can manage without me here?”

“It’ll be a struggle,” said Bill, smiling at her, “but it’ll only be for a few days. I’m sure Helo can cope.”

He would feel her absence, though. After some initial reluctance, Kara had settled into the role of XO with an ease that surprised him. She’d taken much of the burden of running the ship off his shoulders while he planned their return to New Caprica.

“Actually, I’ll be glad to go,” said Kara, in a softer voice. “I won’t be easy until I see Lee with my own eyes.” She pulled an awkward face. “Silly, isn’t it?”

“No,” said Bill, with a sigh. “I feel just the same. So let’s work out how to get them off that planet as soon as possible.”

\---

Lee was cleaning his gun when Hot Dog interrupted him.

“Sorry, Apollo, you’ve been summoned. Roslin wants to see you.”

Lee nodded and got up, putting the gun down on his bedroll. He knew better than to ignore Laura’s request; if he failed to appear she’d simply send another message, and then another, and eventually corner him in person. He’d learnt that it was less trouble to simply come when she called.

He headed for the small cave that Laura used as both office and living space. Lee hadn’t been surprised that Laura had ended up running the resistance. All the time she was teaching at the school on New Caprica she’d said that she didn’t miss being the president, but as soon as leaders were needed, she’d stepped into the gap. 

Plus she’d always been good in a crisis.

She was poring over a map when he entered, but looked up immediately.

“Lee. Thanks for coming so quickly.” A small smile accompanied that remark; he ignored it. “Please sit down.”

“I’d rather stand. What do you want?” He wanted to get to the point. 

Laura seemed unaffected by his rudeness. “I’ve got some news.”

Lee sighed inwardly. He didn’t care about news. 

“Well?” Laura prompted. “Aren’t you going to ask me what?”

Fine. “Have all the Cylons spontaneously exploded? Because that’s the only news I’m interested in.”

“No,” said Laura, ignoring his sarcasm. “But the news is nearly as good.” She smiled, and it caught Lee’s attention. She looked different, he realised suddenly. She’d seemed so strained, so weary, the last few times he’d seen her. Now she was sitting straighter, and there was a sparkle in her eyes that he hadn’t seen for a long time.

“The fleet’s come back for us,” she said, her smile growing. “I’ve spoken to your father.”

“Oh.” 

“Oh?” Something flashed in her eyes. “Is that all you can say, Lee? Aren’t you pleased?” 

“Of course I am.” He was. He was pleased for Cally, for Hot Dog, for Tyrol...for everyone. They were good people. They didn’t deserve to die in these caves like rats in a trap. If the fleet was back, then there was hope for them. They could escape this nightmare, start over again. “It’s just...I didn’t expect the fleet to come back.”

“Neither did I,” said Laura. “It’s lucky for us that Bill is more...swayed by emotion...than we are.”

“Yes.” Lee met her eyes, and for a moment the ghosts of the abandoned passengers on the non-FTL ships hung in the air.

“I thought you might already know of the fleet’s return, actually.” Laura changed the subject. “Saul and I both found our communicators had been triggered. Wasn’t yours?”

Lee shrugged. “I don’t have mine. Ana had it, and I don’t know what happened to it after she was arrested.”

Laura frowned. “I hope the Cylons don’t have it. The last thing we want is for their suspicions to be aroused.”

Lee didn’t reply. What did it matter? If the Cylons had his communicator there was nothing to be done about it now.

“Anyway, Bill is sending someone down here this evening to meet with us,” Laura went on. “Discuss the situation. I gave him the co-ordinates for that clearing about five miles from here. The one with the lightning-struck tree?” Lee nodded. “Just in case the Cylons were listening in.”

“You want me to go to meet them.”

“Yes. You know your way around the woods after dark better than anyone else.”

True enough. He’d been the one who originally found this place, after all. 

“All right. What time?”

“2100 hours.”

“I’ll leave as soon as it gets dark.” 

He turned to go, but her voice stopped him at the door.

“Lee. Your father asked after you.”

“Did he?” He could feel his shoulders tense. 

“Yes. He’d obviously been very worried about you, Lee.”

Lee wasn’t sure how to reply to that, so he didn’t. He left.

He went back to his bedroll, picked up his gun again. Concentrated on cleaning it, trying and failing not to think about his father.

He’d been worried about him too. Was relieved to hear he was all right.

He wasn’t looking forward to a reunion, though. Everyone here had learnt to accept him as he was now, learnt to respect the wall he’d built to keep everyone at a distance.

His father wouldn’t. He’d try to break it down, and that was the last thing Lee wanted.


	3. Chapter 3

Lee was at the rendezvous point in good time, and found a hiding place in the bushes. Best to be cautious.

After an hour he finally heard what he’d been waiting for – the faint buzz of a raptor overhead. Looking up, he saw a flicker of light and then a flash of white as a parachute descended.

The pilot had judged the release time well; the parachute landed accurately in the clearing. Lee crawled out from his hiding place and headed over to help the parachutist out of the harness.

He wondered who his father had sent. Not Kat, he hoped; she’d always got on his nerves. Or Helo – after all the resistance people had suffered at the hands of the Cylons, sending him in was just asking for trouble.

By the time he reached the far side of the clearing the parachutist had got free of the harness on their own. The moonlight was bright enough for Lee to see the dark figure bundling up the chute. At Lee’s approach the figure stiffened and turned, pointing a gun towards him.

Good hearing, thought Lee. He’d been making very little noise and hadn’t expected the parachutist to be aware of him.

“Don’t shoot,” he said. “Roslin sent me.”

He expected to have to say more to prove his identity, but to his surprise he saw the gun drop immediately. The figure took a step towards him and said: “Lee?”

_ Oh gods _ . He knew that voice.

_ Why did it have to be her, of all people? _

Lee closed his eyes.

The grass rustled as she moved towards him. “Lee? It is you, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“Thank the gods.” The grass rustled again and suddenly Kara was there in front of him. She reached out and pulled him into a hug, her arms wrapping tightly round his neck.

For a moment Lee was too stunned to react. The warmth, the comfort of her embrace nearly overwhelmed him.

“Thank the lords you’re all right,” she murmured in his ear. Her voice was trembling. “It’s good to see you, Lee.”

His throat was too tight to reply. He stood rigidly in her arms, fighting for composure. For the first time, the wall that he’d built around himself over the last five months cracked, ever so slightly.

She drew back a little, seeming to notice for the first time that he was making no attempt to return the hug. He felt her body tense slightly.

“Lee? Are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” he said, and pulled out of her arms. “I didn’t expect to see you, that’s all.”

He took a small but necessary step backwards, distancing himself from her.

“Didn’t Laura tell you?” Kara sounded surprised. “She asked for me specifically.”

_ Did she?  _ Lee clenched his fists as anger surged through him. Of course she had. Just as she’d deliberately sent him out to meet Kara. To meet the one person who threatened his defences as much as his father did. More so, in fact – Kara knew him far better than Dad ever had.

Damn Laura and her interference. Why the hell couldn’t she just leave him alone?

“Lee?” Kara definitely sounded worried now. “Lee, what’s going on?”

Every muscle in his body tensed at the concern in her voice. For a moment he was tempted to just run, to lose himself in the forest and leave them all behind, to never have to deal with any of them again. Never have to feel anything again.

He couldn’t. Couldn’t just leave Kara here. Couldn’t abandon the rest of the resistance.

He’d promised.

He took a deep breath and willed himself to calm down.

“Nothing’s going on, Kara,” he said, moving past her towards her chute. “Look, we’ll have to save the reunion chat for later. We need to get this gathered up and get back to camp.”

“Always business with you, isn’t it Lee?” she muttered, bending down to help him with the chute.

He could tell from her tone that she wasn’t convinced, but also that she wasn’t going to press it now. Good. It would give him time to get his balance back.

“How far do we have to go?” she asked, as they headed out of the clearing.

“Five or six miles. It’s not hard going.”

“I don’t mind. Makes a change after being cooped up in the ship all this time.”

They walked in silence for a while. Lee couldn’t quite believe she was here, striding along next to him. It had been so long since he’d thought about her – since he’d let himself think about her. He hadn’t thought he’d ever see her again.

“Lee,” said Kara, after a while. She sounded irritated.

“What?”

“Aren’t you going to ask about your dad?”

“Oh.” Lee supposed he should have. It was just...he hadn’t seen Dad in so long, just like Kara. After all that had happened on New Caprica, everything from his life before that seemed remote and not quite real, like pictures in a story book.

A story that had happened to someone else. He felt light years removed from that Lee Adama, and he couldn’t go back, however much everyone wanted him to.

“How is he?” he said finally.

“Very well, especially now he’s not worrying about you,” said Kara. “He’s even managing to cope with me acting as his XO.”

“You’re the XO?”

“Well, someone had to do it, with everyone disappearing off to the planet.” Another sharp edge; she hadn’t been at all happy about him leaving the fleet. They’d had a bitter argument about it...was that the last time he’d seen her? It must have been.

She’d accused him of shirking his duty, deserting his father. He’d been furious – partly because it was true, but mainly because she was the main reason he was leaving the fleet, although he couldn’t tell her that. He’d needed to get as far away from her – and Anders – as possible.

Odd how pointless it all seemed now. All those fierce emotions, now as dry and withered as dead leaves. Yet another reminder of why it was better not to feel anything.

“Lee.” Kara’s tone had changed; it was softer now, more hesitant. He turned his head to look at her, but it was too dark in the shadows of the trees to see much.

“What?”

“Are you still angry with me?”

Obviously her thoughts had been running on similar lines. “No. Why would you think that?”

“Well, we didn’t part on the best of terms.”

“That was a long time ago. Things change.”

“Yes, they do.” She sounded sad now. “Sam and I aren’t together any more.”

“Oh.” Lee didn’t know how to feel about that.

“It didn’t work out. Pressures of military life and all that.” Her tone was light, but he knew her well enough to hear the hurt underneath it. “Guess a week in Caprica wasn’t enough to build a lasting relationship on.”

“I’m sorry,” said Lee. He didn’t know what else to say. What did she expect him to do? Pull her into his arms? Declare his love?

He might have done, once. Not any more. Now he didn’t feel anything more than a mild curiosity, and sympathy for her that it hadn’t worked out.

He couldn’t feel anything more.

“Don’t be.” Kara was back to her usual brisk self. “I’m over it. So, who’s going to be at the camp? Anyone I know?”

“Yes,” said Lee, seizing the change of subject with relief. “Most of the fleet people ended up joining the resistance.”

“Sounds like it’ll be quite the reunion,” said Kara. He could tell she was smiling.

“Certainly will. Let’s see – there’s Tigh, Cottle, Tyrol, Cally, Hot Dog, Racetrack-”

“And Dee, of course,” said Kara, the slightest touch of strain in her voice. “How is she?”

There it was. The question he’d been dreading.

He felt Kara turn to look at him. “Lee?”

He took a deep breath. This shouldn't be hard. It was just...he’d never actually said the words aloud before.

“Ana’s dead.”

He heard Kara sigh. “Lee, I’m so sorry.”

She reached out for his hand. For one moment he let her fingers twine with his, accepted the comfort. Then he realised what he was doing, and jerked his hand away.

“Lee!”

“Don’t pretend you’re sorry,” he snapped, ignoring the hurt in her voice. “You never liked her anyway.”

“Lee-”

“We need to keep quiet, Kara. There could be Cylons around.” He didn’t want to talk to her about this. He couldn’t.

“Bullshit. Lee, I’m just trying to help-”

“Well, I don’t want your help,” he shot back. “I just want you to leave me alone.”

“Fine,” she snapped. “Gods, Lee! Less than an hour and you’re already acting like an asshole. I don’t know why I thought I missed you.”

They finished the trek back to the caves in hostile silence.


	4. Chapter 4

Kara frowned as she followed Lee through the trees.

She hadn’t expected their reunion to be like this. She’d thought it might be awkward; after all, the last time she’d seen him they’d had a heated argument about his decision to resign from the fleet. 

She’d thought that under it all, though, he’d be pleased to see her.

Maybe not. He hadn’t returned her hug, and pulled his hand away from hers as if it were poisoned. Hadn’t shown any emotion at all, except for anger when she’d tried to comfort him about Dee.

That had hurt. Sure, she hadn’t much liked Dee, but it had been nothing personal. She knew that she wouldn’t have liked anyone Lee had married, no matter how pleasant they were.

She could still remember the shock and unexpected pain she’d felt when Adama had told her about the marriage. It had taken her completely by surprise. She’d thought Lee had only taken up with Dee because he was annoyed about her and Sam, but obviously it had been more than that.

Underneath the hurt had been pure anger. Lee wasn’t allowed to get married. He belonged to her. Always had.

Unfortunately she’d never told him that. Told him exactly the opposite, in fact.

Kara stumbled over a tree root and cursed under her breath. She stared at the shadow of Lee’s back, barely visible in the gloom.

The last nine months without him, not knowing if he was alive or dead, had forced her to admit that she belonged to him as well. That being with him, however much it scared her, was infinitely better than being without him.

Unfortunately it didn’t appear that he felt the same way.

Of course he didn’t. His wife had just died. What the hell was she thinking? He was mourning, and she should be thinking about him, not herself and her selfish needs.

Gods, she was such a frakking idiot when it came to him.

\---

When they finally stopped at the base of a cliff, Kara breathed a secret sigh of relief. After so long in space, the trek through the woods had been harder than she’d expected. Irritatingly, Lee didn’t seem the least out of breath. She scowled at his back as he fished a torch out of his pack and flashed a signal.

From up in the treetops a tiny light flashed back.

Lee put the torch away and headed towards the cliff. A figure stepped out of the shadows to greet them, and after a murmured exchange of words, stood back to let them pass.

Kara saw a faint glow of light in front of her, and realised there was a narrow fissure in the rock hidden behind thick bushes. She followed Lee through the narrow space, which soon widened out into a fairly sizeable cave, lit by a mixture of lanterns and torches.

“Welcome to our humble home,” murmured Lee, turning to face her.

Kara had a sharp reply ready, but as she took a good look at Lee, the words died in her throat.

He looked...awful. There was no other word for it. He was thin and worn, the bones of his face jutting out sharply from under his skin. His eyes were sunk into their sockets, with bruised shadows underneath. 

Ever since he’d first spoken, back at the landing site, she’d felt a sense of unease, of something not being quite right.

Now she knew something was definitely wrong. The change in his appearance might be simply due to physical hardship and strain, but the look in his eyes wasn’t. She had never seen those brilliant blue eyes look so dull and lifeless. 

She took a step towards him. “Lee-”

She was interrupted by pounding feet and lifted voices.

“Starbuck?”

She turned at the sound of the familiar voice to see Hot Dog approaching, Racetrack a step or two behind him.

“Starbuck? Is that really you?”

Kara grinned. She reached up and slapped him on the shoulder. “Yes, it’s really me. Large as life.”

“Then...that must mean-” Racetrack’s mouth was trembling. “The fleet’s back?”

“We certainly are.” Kara smiled at her. “You didn’t think the Old Man would just leave you here, did you?”

“I-” Racetrack broke off, her face crumpling. “Thank the lords of Kobol.”

“Starbuck!”

Kara looked up at the sound of her name and saw more people approaching. The Chief, Cally, Doc Cottle, Tigh – she’d never thought she would be glad to see him of all people.

She found herself face to face with him after she finished hugging the Chief and Cally, and nodded warily. “Tigh.” At least she didn’t have to call him sir any more.

“Thrace.” He looked years older than the last time she’d seen him; the lines on his face looked graven into his skin. “How’s the Old Man?”

“He sends his regards. He’s been busy trying to figure out how to get you all out of this fix.”

“Haven’t we all,” muttered Tigh. “Roslin’s organised a meeting tomorrow so you can fill us in on the plan, Captain.”

“Actually, it’s Major now.” Despite everything, Kara couldn’t help savouring the look of surprise on his face. Petty, maybe, but when everything was falling apart around you, you had to take pleasure where you could. “I’m also the XO.”

“He made  _ you _ the XO?” The look on Tigh’s face amply repaid every insult he’d flung at her over the years.

“He did,” said Kara, unable to resist a smug grin. “The job’s not half as hard as you made it look.”

Tigh scowled at her, but whatever retort he was about to make was interrupted by Laura Roslin.

“Captain Thrace,” she said, taking Kara’s hand warmly. “It’s so good to see you.”

“You’re behind the times,” said Tigh. “It’s  _ Major _ Thrace now.”

“Really?” Roslin smiled. “Congratulations, Major. It’s nice to hear some good news for a change, and I hope you bring more.”

“So do I, Madam Pres-” Kara broke off, pulling a face. “Sorry. Old habits.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Roslin said. “You’re not the first.”

“Hey, you’re still President as far as I’m concerned,” said Hot Dog, smiling. “Even if it is just of these caves.”

Roslin laughed. “That’s very kind of you, Costanza.”

Kara looked round at them all, taking a deep breath. It was so odd to see them again, after so long. There were changes. They were all as thin and shabby as Lee, and looked just as strained and exhausted as he did. Roslin seemed even more burdened than she had in her early days as President, and there were deep shadows on Tyrol’s face that hadn’t been there when she last saw him. Even Hot Dog looked grave when he wasn’t talking, and that was a word she would never have used to describe him before.

Cally was the worst. Kara found it hard to believe that this pale, harsh-faced woman was the same person as the cheerful, bubbly deckhand she had known. She hadn’t seen this Cally smile once, and she had barely spoken a word.

At least Doc Cottle hadn’t changed, she thought with relief. He had greeted her with his usual gruff manner and was now busy scolding Lee, who had retreated to the shadows of the cave during the reunion.

Cottle pulled him into the light, scowling. “You’ve opened those stitches again, haven’t you? Don’t try brushing it off, lad, I can see the evidence.” He pointed at a spreading dark stain on the side of Lee’s jacket.

“It’s fine,” Lee protested, but now that Kara looked at him properly, she could see he was favouring his left side. “I’ll change the dressing-”

“And make a pigs’ ear of it,” snapped Cottle. “Come with me and I’ll fix those stitches before you damage yourself further.”

Lee grimaced, but he followed the doctor without further protest. He didn’t glance at Kara as he passed her, and she looked after him with flooding anxiety.

“Is he all right? What happened to him?”

“Close encounter with a Centurion,” said Hot Dog, grinning. “Two of them, in fact. You’ll love the story, Starbuck. It’s as crazy as anything you ever pulled-”

“Save it, Costanza,” Tyrol cut in sharply. “Let Starbuck get some food and rest before you start boring her with your stories.”

Kara was about to protest – she wanted to know exactly what kind of crazy things Lee had been up to – but Roslin interrupted her.

“That sounds like a good idea. I know we have a lot to talk about, Kara, but I’d like to leave the briefing till morning. You probably need some sleep, and I know I do. I’ll see you and Saul at eight tomorrow morning.”

“Just the three of us? Not Apollo?”

“No.” Something flickered in Roslin’s eyes. “Saul and I run things around here. We’ll talk privately first and then brief the others later.”

Roslin and Tigh ran things? Kara blinked, startled. Lee wasn’t involved? But he out-ranked Tigh...okay, so none of them were in the fleet any more, but she would have still have expected him to be one of the leaders of this resistance movement of theirs. It was the way Lee was made – give him a crisis and he led and organised, sometimes even despite himself. She couldn’t believe that nine months could have changed him all that much.

All her earlier anxiety about his behaviour in the woods came rushing back. Something was definitely wrong with him, and she was going to get to the bottom of it.

She fixed Roslin with a firm stare. “All right, but before I sleep, I’d like a word with you. In private.”

For a moment Roslin looked like she was going to refuse, but then she met Kara’s eyes and whatever she saw there seemed to make her reconsider. She nodded slowly.

“Very well, Kara. Come with me.”

\---

Laura took Kara Thrace back to her cave, sighing inwardly. All she wanted to do was get some sleep. She had been on edge all evening waiting for Lee to return, and she had no doubt tomorrow would be an exhausting day. Once news of Kara’s presence and the fleet’s return spread, she would be besieged with questions and concerns.

If she thought she could get away with it she would tell Kara to wait till tomorrow, but the stubborn look on the younger woman’s face had told her there was no chance of that. 

Once they entered the cave and Laura had drawn the rough curtain across the entrance to give them relative privacy, Kara wasted no time. Laura had barely sat down before she spoke.

“What’s wrong with Lee?”

Straight to the point, thought Laura ruefully. Kara really hadn’t changed. 

“Wrong?” she said, trying to decide how best to answer her.

“Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about,” Kara snapped, eyes flashing. “You know damn well, that’s why you asked the Old Man to send me down here, isn’t it?”

Laura didn’t answer for a moment, slightly taken aback. She hadn’t expected Kara to be quite so perceptive.

“Isn’t it?” Kara pressed angrily, when Laura didn’t reply.

Laura took a deep breath. “Yes, it is.”

Kara seemed appeased by the admission; the tension in her body relaxed, and her face softened slightly. She took a seat opposite Laura.

“Why?”

Laura sighed. “Because Lee needs help, and he won’t accept it from any of us. I thought you might have more luck with him. I know how close the two of you are.” She remembered watching their reunion on the Astral Queen, the utter relief and joy that had shone in both their faces, the way Lee had completely lost his usual reserve and kissed Kara right in front of everybody. 

“We used to be close.” A shadow had fallen across Kara’s face. She looked down at the maps on the plank of wood Laura used as a desk, avoiding Laura’s eyes. “But...things have changed. Even before the Cylons attacked, I hadn’t spoken to Lee in months.”

Laura knew that. Bill had talked about it to her once. He’d been upset by the rift between them, and wanted her opinion on whether he should interfere and try to get them to reconcile.

Lee had been days away from marrying Anastasia Dualla at the time, and Kara had been happily settled with that pyramid player of hers. Laura had remembered that kiss on the Astral Queen and advised Bill to leave well enough alone. It was never a good idea to get involved in that kind of emotional quagmire.

She smiled wryly. Pity she couldn’t take her own advice.

This was a different situation, though. She’d been helplessly watching Lee drift away into himself for months, and she was desperate enough to try anything to stop that. She owed him – and Bill – that much and more, after everything they’d done for her since the Colonies were destroyed.

“But you were friends for years before that,” she said, as encouragingly as she could. “You must know Lee better than anyone else in the fleet...except Bill, of course.”

“I suppose so,” said Kara, in a quiet voice.

“What makes you so sure something’s wrong?” asked Laura. “You’ve picked up on it very quickly.”

Kara shrugged awkwardly. “Lee just seems...I don’t know...remote, distant. Uncaring. He’s just not acting like his usual self. And when you said he wasn’t helping you run things round here...that’s not Lee. He always has an opinion, always has to get involved.” She smiled slightly. “Even when you wish he wouldn’t.”

Laura couldn’t help smiling back. “You’re right there. Right about everything, in fact. Lee was running the resistance; he was the one who set everything up. He found this place to use as a base, recruited people, led raids to get weapons...I was the one who was helping him, initially.”

“So what changed?” 

Laura sighed, bracing herself. She wasn’t looking forward to telling this story; the memories still hurt.

“It’s something to do with Dee, isn’t it?” said Kara. She was staring at the maps again. “With how she died.”

Laura was startled. “How do you know that?”

“Because Lee got upset when he talked about her.”

“He got upset?”

“Yes.” Kara looked up at Laura’s tone, and frowned. “Why are you looking so pleased?”

Laura smiled at her puzzled face, blinking back a sudden rush of emotion. “I’m sorry, it’s just...for months I’ve been talking to Lee, trying to get him to show some sign that he still feels something, cares about something, and now you spend a few hours with him and-” She had to stop and collect herself. “It looks as if I was right to ask for you after all.”

Kara was looking at her searchingly. “You really care about him,” she said slowly. “Why?”

Laura smiled. “That first day of the attacks...from the moment I met him, he gave me unwavering support. He stood next to me when I was sworn in as president, gave me advice when I needed it, stood up for me and my decisions against his father. I’ve never forgotten that. And then when I came to know him, I grew to like him for his own sake. He’s been a good friend.”

Kara watched her intently as she spoke. When Laura finished, she nodded, as if satisfied. “He’s a good friend to have,” she said, and smiled.

The smile made Laura blink. Open, warm, without a hint of reserve – she’d never received such a smile from Kara Thrace before. 

That was just it, she realised suddenly. It was a smile from Kara, not from Starbuck. A smile of acceptance, and of friendship.

She smiled back, letting her own reserve slip away, and their eyes met in understanding.

“So,” said Kara. “Tell me. What happened to Lee?”

\---

“Well, as I said,” Laura began, “Lee set up the resistance. He got out of New Caprica town the same day the Cylons landed, before they rounded everyone up. He stayed out in the woods until he found this place, coming into town after dark to recruit or get people out.”

“And Dee was with him?”

Laura shook her head. “I expect you know that Dee was working for Baltar before the Cylons invaded, alongside Felix Gaeta. Well, after the invasion, when it became apparent Baltar was going to do everything he could to co-operate with the Cylons-” She couldn’t help showing her disgust at that. “They both decided they could help our cause best by staying in their posts, appearing to collaborate, and passing on all the information about the Cylons they could.”

Kara nodded, looking grave. “Good for them. But doing that must have been incredibly dangerous. Especially for Dee, being Lee’s wife. How did she manage to convince them she wasn’t working with him?”

“She told them she thought the resistance was doomed and she wanted no part of it,” said Laura. “Then Lee arranged for a raid on the President’s office when she was on duty. Dee made sure she was near enough to the explosion to be injured, so that the Cylons would realise Lee didn’t care about her safety and there was no point in using her as a bargaining chip against him.” Laura paused awkwardly. “To be honest...they hadn’t been getting along too well just before the invasion, so anyone the Cylons questioned about them would have supported the story that Dee would put her own welfare before loyalty to Lee.”

“How convenient,” said Kara, with a gleam in her eyes that Laura couldn’t interpret.

“Anyway,” Laura went on, “Dee passed on a lot of useful information. Locations of supplies, the timing of Cylon patrols, gaps in their security. We’d never have got the resistance running successfully without the help of her and Gaeta. But eventually, her luck ran out.”

“Someone realised what she was up to?”

Laura nodded. “We never found out who or what betrayed her, but the Cylons discovered she was working for the resistance. They didn’t arrest her immediately though. Instead they followed her to see who else she might lead them to. And unfortunately, she led them to Lee, the next time he came to the town to meet her.”

“Oh, gods,” said Kara. “The founder of the resistance? The Cylons probably couldn’t believe their luck.”

“They certainly didn’t waste it,” said Laura. “They arrested them both on the spot. Unfortunately, it took several days for us to realise what had happened. Lee was often away for days at a time, visiting contacts, and it wasn’t until Gaeta raised the alarm about Dee and we tried to trace Lee that we realised what must have happened.”

She could still remember the horror of that discovery, and it must have shown in her voice, because Kara’s eyes widened in sympathy.

“You must have been frantic. Lee must have known more about the resistance network than anyone else.”

“Exactly,” said Laura. “And Dee knew most of the people who were posing as collaborators and working for us...gods, she’d recruited most of them. For them both to be captured...it was an utter disaster. I knew they’d both hold out under torture for as long as they could, but I couldn’t rely on them staying silent. Something had to be done.”

“So what did you do?” Kara was leaning forward, caught up in the story.

Laura took a deep breath. Even now, she still couldn’t quite believe she’d done what she had. “I ordered an attack on the prison.”

Kara stared at her. “But that’s-”

“Foolhardy? Risky? I know,” said Laura. “But I was desperate, and I couldn’t see any other choice. We had to stop Lee and Dee from talking, one way or the other. If they did and we lost our base and our inside contacts, we were finished anyway. So I sent a team into the prison to rescue them if they could-”

“And kill them if they couldn’t?”

“Yes,” said Laura, meeting the young woman’s outraged eyes calmly. “This kind of war allows no room for sentimentality, Kara. They wouldn’t have blamed me for it.”

After a moment the accusing light faded out of Kara’s eyes. “I know.” She sighed. “So what happened?”

“I arranged a diversionary attack on one of their arms depots. It drew most of the Cylons away, and Gaeta managed to find an excuse to visit the prison and let our people in. They managed to get Lee out, and a few of our other people, while they were at it...but it was too late for Dee. They’d already killed her.”

Kara went pale. She closed her eyes and murmured something under her breath that sounded like a prayer.

“She didn’t give them any information, though,” said Laura, not trying to hide the pride in her voice. “Gaeta and our other agents kept their cover.”

After a moment Kara looked up. “And Lee?”

“He hadn’t told them anything either, although they’d beaten him badly. Between that and losing Dee, Cottle was afraid he wasn’t going to pull through for a while. He did, though.”

“Lee’s tougher than he looks,” Kara muttered. “Always has been.”

“In some ways,” Laura said. “Physically, he’s recovered, but mentally...he’s not been the same since. He barely eats or sleeps. He doesn’t speak much, and when he does it’s strictly business. Fighting the Cylons is all he seems to care about now.”

“It’s only natural he should want revenge,” said Kara.

“It’s more than that,” said Laura. “He seems obsessed with it. When he’s out on a raid and he sees a Cylon, he doesn’t stop until he takes them out, even if it’s highly risky to himself. Saul and I had to stop him leading missions. He’s too reckless and his judgement just isn’t reliable any more. I only wish I could stop him going on missions altogether, but I can’t afford to. We just don’t have enough people with military training.”

“That injury he had,” Kara said. Her hands were clenched tightly together. “Hot Dog said it was a close encounter with a Centurion-”

Laura told her the story, and Kara went even paler. “The damned fool! Does he want to get himself killed?”

“I’m afraid he does,” said Laura, finally voicing the thought that worried her most. “The way he’s withdrawn from everything...everyone...he doesn’t seem to care about living any more.”

She was half hoping that Kara would disagree with her, say she was imagining things, but the other woman didn’t.

“You might be right,” she said, finally meeting Laura’s eyes. “It...it wouldn’t be the first time.” She flushed slightly at Laura’s look of surprise. “I wouldn’t normally say anything about it, but-”

“Don’t worry, I understand,” Laura hastened to assure her. “Helping Lee is more important than keeping confidences. And you can be sure I won’t repeat anything you tell me.”

“Thank you,” said Kara. She sat in silence for a moment, frowning. Laura watched her curiously.

Finally Kara spoke. “There must be more to it than that.”

“What?” Laura was confused.

“There must be more to this than Dee’s death.”

Laura stared at her. “You think his wife’s death isn’t enough reason for him to act like this?”

Kara didn’t seem to notice her sarcasm. “No. Lee’s lost people before...his brother, his mother...and he’s coped. Why would this be different?” She frowned thoughtfully. “Do you know exactly how Dee died?”

“No.” Laura grimaced. “I didn’t ask for details.”

“Who would know?”

“Gaeta, I suppose. He was the one who found her.”

“I’ll ask him, then.” Kara looked at Laura’s puzzled face and half smiled. “Trust me on this one. I know Lee. For this to be eating away at him so badly, there must be something more to it.”

“If you say so.” Laura wasn’t convinced. “So I can leave Lee to you then?”

Kara nodded soberly. “I’ll do my best. And...Laura?”

“Yes?”

“Thanks for getting me down here.” Kara’s eyes were wide and sincere. “I don’t want to lose him...especially not to himself.”

Laura found herself smiling. For the first time in weeks, she actually believed that they wouldn’t.


	5. Chapter 5

Kara left Laura’s office and looked up and down the narrow passage, trying to remember which way she had come from. She couldn’t, so in the end she shrugged and turned to the left, hoping to meet someone to point her in the right direction.

The passage opened out into the largest cave Kara had seen so far. It seemed to be used as a cross between a mess and a meeting room – there was a long makeshift plank table obviously used for meals and an area that looked like it was used for preparing food. Crates covered in blankets were dotted around the cave, seemingly used as seats.

At the moment the cave was deserted except for Racetrack, who was sitting at the table. She looked up at Kara’s approach and smiled. 

“Hey, Starbuck. You hungry?”

Kara grinned. “How did you guess? Anything going?”

“Not much at this time of night, but I can probably find something.” Racetrack pulled a face. “I warn you, though, the food here makes the slop they served on Galactica look like a culinary masterpiece.”

Kara laughed and took a seat while Racetrack went to forage in the ‘kitchen’ area. It was good to see the raptor ECO again. They’d got on well together on Galactica, before that fight they’d had over Helo and Sharon. Even then, Kara had been able to see Racetrack’s point of view, although she didn’t agree with it. Anyway, that all seemed light years ago, after all that had happened. 

Racetrack came back with a ration bar and a strip of meat. Kara thought it best not to enquire what kind of meat it was, but she ate it readily enough. 

“Looks like you’re well settled in here,” she said.

Racetrack shrugged. “We do all right. We’ve got fairly self-sufficient after being out here so long. Anything else we need we steal from the Cylons or our people in the town smuggle out to us.”

“Have you been here long?” 

“Since the beginning,” said Racetrack. “A lot of people in the town wanted to wait and see how the Cylons treated us, but I knew better than that. Nothing good ever comes from the Cylons. I headed out to the woods with Apollo that first day.”

“Laura said he set all this up?”

Racetrack nodded. “That first day, he didn’t hesitate. Made sure we got enough ammunition and supplies before we left town to keep us going until we could steal more. He found this place, persuaded people to leave the town and join us. I don’t know what we’d have done without him then.”

Kara finished her mouthful, considering her next question. 

“How is Lee? Laura told me about Dee. That must have been hard on him.”

Racetrack’s face darkened. “It was. Cylon bastards.” She hesitated, looking at Kara. “He’s not been right since, not really. I’ve been worried about him. I must admit I’m glad you’re here.”

“Why?”

“Well, he might talk to you. The two of you were always close, back on Galactica.” Racetrack shifted awkwardly. 

Another person who wanted her to get Lee to talk. Kara couldn’t help appreciating the irony. If there was one thing that she and Lee had always sucked at, it was talking. She could tease Lee, argue with him, punch him – but get him to talk about his feelings? They’d never done that; deliberately avoided it, even. It wasn’t them.

“I’ll try,” she said, “but I’m not sure I’m the best person. I’ve never exactly been the type for heart-to-heart chats. Isn’t there anyone else?”

“Don’t think we haven’t all tried,” said Racetrack, frowning. “But he tunes us all out. Sits there, hears you out politely, then thanks you and walks off, and you know he hasn’t listened to a word.”

Kara nodded. She could just picture it. There was no-one better than Lee at shutting everyone out when he put his mind to it.

“He talks to Cally,” said Racetrack.

“He does?” Kara could see that. Lee had always had a soft spot for Cally, ever since they’d been held hostage together on the Astral Queen.

“Yes, for all the good it does.” Racetrack sighed. “Cally’s just as screwed up as he is at the moment.”

“Oh. I could see she’d changed,” said Kara, thinking back to the glimpse she’d had of Cally when she arrived. “What happened to her?”

“Cylons,” said Racetrack, full of bitterness. “What else? One of the first things they did was to round up all the pregnant women. Said they were taking them to a ‘hospital’, to make sure they were taken care of. But when the Chief tried to stop them taking Cally, they arrested him.” She looked up at Kara. “The ‘hospital’ turned out to be a prison, and I’m sure you can imagine what they really wanted.” 

Kara could. She shuddered, remembering the farms on Caprica.

“They wanted women who’d proven they were fertile. When Cally’s baby was born, they took it away from her. She never saw it again. Then they tried to impregnate her with a Cylon baby instead, but fortunately for her it didn’t take. We rescued her when we raided the prison to get Lee out, but the state she was in by then...she’s better than she was, but all she can think about is finding that baby of hers.”

Kara pushed her plate away, feeling sick to her stomach.

“Just when you think the Cylons can’t sink any lower-” She couldn’t bear to think what Cally must have been through.

“They can always sink lower,” said Racetrack. “Believe me.” She stood and picked up Kara’s plate. “Finished?”

“Yes, thanks.” Kara yawned, suddenly feeling exhausted. “Is there somewhere I can bed down for the night?”

“We’ll squeeze you in somewhere. There’s not a lot of room; we’re all packed in these caves like sardines. Makes the Galactica bunkrooms look positively spacious.”

“Where does Lee bunk?” Kara asked. That would be one way to corner him and try to get him to talk, like everyone wanted. “I’ll sleep there.”

Racetrack pulled a face. “That’s not a good idea. Trust me, Starbuck, you don’t want to sleep in the cell.”

“The cell?” Kara stared at her. “What do you mean? Lee’s not under arrest, is he?”

“No.” Racetrack looked embarrassed. “It’s just a stupid nickname, because all the people who were freed in the Cylon prison raid sleep there. Lee, Cally, Tyrol, Hot Dog... all the ex-prisoners. No-one else does, though.”

“Why not?” Kara didn’t like the sound of this. 

“It’s just-” Racetrack was looking awkward again. “Look, Starbuck, it’ll be better if you find somewhere else to sleep. Trust me.”

“No,” said Kara. “If that’s where Lee sleeps, I’m sleeping there too.”

Racetrack sighed. “Suit yourself. But you won’t sleep very well.”

\---

It didn’t take Kara long to discover what Racetrack had meant. 

Things were fine at first. Tyrol and Hot Dog welcomed her and dug out some spare blankets. Kara spread them out next to Lee, who was already asleep in a corner of the cave. At least he seemed to be asleep; Kara was fairly sure he was pretending. She’d watched him often enough when he had the bunk opposite hers to know when he was genuinely sleeping and when he wasn’t. She wasn’t going to challenge him on it though, with Cally staring at them from across the cave. It was too public, and she was too tired. She’d work on Lee tomorrow.

She fell asleep fairly quickly, despite the discomfort of the hard ground beneath her and the chill in the air.

It seemed only moments later that she was woken by someone screaming.

She blinked in the dim light of the lantern, trying to remember where she was and what was going on. After a moment, the screams died down into choking sobs. She tried to work out who it was and where the noise was coming from.

Then she heard rustling as someone moved, and Tyrol’s voice, low and soothing. “Wake up, Brendan. Calm down, it’s all right, you’re safe now, you’re here with us-”

It was Hot Dog? Kara swallowed hard. She’d never imagined him to be the type to have nightmares. She pulled her blanket closer around her, listening to his breathing gradually steady as the Chief continued to calm him down, and tried not to wonder what the Cylons had done to him to cause this.

\---

The second time she was woken it was Lee who was having a nightmare. He was thrashing around in his sleep and one hand struck her nose, jolting her awake.

She realised what was happening and moved closer, reaching out for him in the dim light.

“Lee-”

He wasn’t screaming as Hot Dog had done, but he was talking in his sleep, low and anguished.

“Make them stop…gods, please make them stop…I can’t do this, I can’t-”

“Lee!” She shook him gently. “Lee, wake up. It’s me, it’s Kara, you’re fine now, you’re safe-”

He didn’t seem to hear her. He jerked out of her grasp so violently that she over-balanced and fell back on the hard ground.

She picked herself up, wincing, and crawled back to him. “Lee-”

He was talking again, with a desperation that struck her to the heart.

“Make them stop, please…I can’t bear it…Ana!” 

His voice rose in volume until he was practically screaming Dee’s name. Kara grasped his shoulders, calling his name, trying to wake him.

She saw that his eyes were open. Wide and blank, they stared right through her.

She shook him again, but he didn’t respond. Just kept calling out Dee’s name, over and over.

“Move out of the way, Starbuck.”

Kara jumped in surprise as she realised Cally was crouched beside her. She’d been so focused on Lee she hadn’t heard her approach.

“It’s fine, Cally, I’ve got him.”

“No you haven’t,” said Cally, her voice flat and hard. “Move aside.”

Kara looked down at Lee’s staring face, and moved aside. Cally leaned forward and slapped Lee so hard that his head jerked back with the force of the blow.

His cries cut off abruptly and he opened his eyes. He blinked bewilderedly up at Cally.

“You had another nightmare,” said Cally.

“Oh.” Lee’s hand came up to feel his cheek where she had hit him.

“Better now?” asked Cally, without a trace of sympathy in her voice.

“Yes. Thanks.” 

Cally nodded. Completely ignoring Kara, she got up and returned to her blanket without another word.

“Lee?” said Kara. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” he said, sounding irritated. “Go back to sleep.”

“You don’t sound fine.” She reached out and put a hand on his arm.

“That’s because I’m tired,” he said, shaking her hand off. “Now let’s go back to sleep.”

Kara sighed and gave up. She didn’t want to push it with the others listening in. So she lay silent and listened to Lee’s uneven breathing gradually steady and fall into the regular rhythm of sleep.

Well, now she knew why the former prisoners slept alone, if this happened every night. She wasn’t sure what had shaken her the most. Hot Dog screaming, the unemotional way Cally had slapped Lee as if it was a matter of routine, or the desperate way Lee had called out Dee’s name.

She thought of all the times in the past Lee had been there to help her. When Zak died, when she injured her leg, after her trip to Caprica. He’d always been there, supportive and ready to listen, trying to get her to talk, even when she pushed him away. It had always comforted her, even when she’d pretended to resent it.

Now it was time for her to return the favour. She wasn’t sure she’d be very good at it – she’d never been the comforting type – but she was going to try. She owed him that much.


	6. Chapter 6

When Lee woke he was warm.

The sensation was so foreign it didn’t register at first. It was never warm in the cave. No matter how many blankets he wrapped himself in, he always woke cold and clammy.

Not today, though. His back was still chilly, but his front was curled into something soft and warm.

He opened his eyes and blinked in surprise to see a camo jacket with fair hair tumbling over the collar.

Kara.

Somehow he’d rolled up against her in his sleep. His face was pressed into her back, and he realised suddenly that his hand was resting on her hip.

Horrified, he pulled his hand away and swiftly retreated to a safe distance. How the hell had that happened?

Thank the gods she was still asleep. He’d embarrassed himself enough in front of her last night with that damned nightmare. He rubbed his hands over his face, trying to scrub the memory away. He wished she hadn’t seen that. She must think he was pathetic, shaking and crying out in the dark like a child.

He pulled himself slowly to his feet and picked up the bucket by the cave entrance. He might as well get the water as he was awake. But he couldn’t help pausing as he left and casting one last look back at Kara, still peacefully asleep. Her hair had fallen across her face and Lee had an almost uncontrollable urge to go over and brush it back behind her ear.

Of course he did nothing of the kind. He had no right to think about Kara like that and never had done. But some of her warmth still lingered about him as he went outside to get water.

\---

When he returned, muscles straining under the weight of the full bucket, everyone was awake except Cally. The other three were talking in low voices so as not to wake her.

Lee put the bucket down in the curtained corner of the cave they used as a washroom, carefully not looking at Kara. He still felt embarrassed about last night.

“Who’s first in the head?” asked Hot Dog. He sounded more subdued than usual, but then he was probably embarrassed too.

Lee finally made himself look at Kara and gestured towards the curtain. “Visitors first.”

“I can wait,” said Kara. Her face and voice were calm and neutral. Well, at least she wasn’t looking at him with pity. “You did the hard work getting the water; it’s only fair you go first.”

Lee couldn’t help feeling surprised. It must have shown on his face, because she visibly bristled.

“What?”

“Nothing. It’s just-”

“Out with it, Adama.”

“You never used to care about being fair. Time was, you’ve have claimed first wash as your right and smirked while you did it.”

“That was a long time ago,” she said sharply, though her eyes were amused. “Things have changed, Lee.”

“Oh that’s right, you’re a Major now, aren’t you?” he retorted, without thinking. “You have to set a good example. You must find it a real strain.”

She was definitely trying not to laugh now; he could see her mouth twitching. She picked up the towel he’d been using as a pillow and hurled it at him.

“Just go and wash, Lee, before I change my mind.”

He caught the towel and retreated behind the curtain. To his surprise, he found himself smiling, and even more to his surprise, it felt good. 

He washed quickly; the water was too cold to linger. He left his shirt off. The left side was stiff with blood from where his stitches had torn last night; he’d get a clean one from his pack.

He pushed the curtain aside and nodded at Kara. “It’s all yours.”

“Great. Now I just need a towel.”

“I think I’ve got a spare one.” Lee walked past her and bent over to open his pack. “Yes, thought so.” He pulled it out along with his clean shirt.

He turned round to hand it to her and stopped in surprise at the look on her face. 

“Kara? What’s wrong?” 

She took a deep breath, her eyes wide and dark. “Lee...your back-”

Oh. He took a step back from her. He’d had the scars so long now he forgot they were there most of the time, but the way she was looking at him made him feel acutely self-conscious.

“What happened to you?”

“Cylons.” He really didn’t want to talk about this. 

“When they captured you?”

Damn. Someone had been talking to her. Laura, probably, as part of her grand plan to get him acting normally again. Whatever ‘normal’ was.

Perhaps he could distract her. “If you think my scars are impressive, you should see Hot Dog’s.” He spoke as carelessly as he could, and grinned at the younger man, knowing he wouldn’t mind.

Sure enough, Hot Dog grinned back. “Well, they should be, Apollo. I had weeks to perfect them, after all. You only had days.”

“I did the best with the time I was given.”

Tyrol groaned. “Do you have to turn everything into a bragging session, Costanza?”

“Cool it, Chief. You’re just jealous cause you don’t have any. I guess you just didn’t have any information valuable enough.”

Tyrol adopted a long-suffering expression. “Yes, Costanza, I’m really jealous. A little flogging would have really brightened up the routine of prison life.”

“For frak’s sake!” That was Kara. She was glaring at them all, her cheeks flushed and angry. “You three are unbelievable!”

With that she grabbed the towel from Lee’s hand and stalked behind the curtain.

Lee smiled to himself. Distraction successfully accomplished.

He didn’t want her sympathy or her pity, not about this. Didn’t think he could bear it.

Whatever had happened to him, he was still alive. It was more than Ana was.

\---

Lee waited until Kara was safely occupied meeting with Laura and Tigh before he slipped out of the caves. He didn’t want her asking where he was going or insisting on coming with him.

He nodded to the sentries on duty. “Just going out hunting,” he said in explanation, although they were hardly going to question him; they all remembered he’d run this place once.

Sometimes he felt guilty about the way he had let it slide, had let Laura and Tigh take over. But they were doing a good job, and he just didn’t have the energy any more to run things the way he used to. Besides, he had other priorities to see to now.

He headed out into the woods in the direction of New Caprica town, managing to pot a couple of rabbits along the way to maintain his cover. He stopped when he reached the river and settled down in the undergrowth to wait. This was the only fordable part of the river for miles; if the man he was waiting for appeared, he’d come this way.

He might not appear, but Lee was fairly sure he would. Laura would almost certainly have summoned him to the caves as soon as she knew the fleet was back. She wouldn’t be making any evacuation plans without his advice.

And if he was wrong – well, he’d only wasted a few hours of his time, and he’d head down to the town after dark and contact him that way.

\---

His time wasn’t wasted. After an hour or so he heard someone approaching through the trees, and Felix Gaeta’s familiar figure appeared on the other side of the ford.

Lee emerged from his hiding place. “Felix!”

Gaeta stiffened and lifted his gun, ready to fire. He relaxed when Lee stepped out of the shadows.

“Hello Lee.” He splashed across the ford and took Lee’s outstretched hand. “How are you?”

“All right,” Lee replied. Somehow he didn’t resent the question when Gaeta asked it. “How about you?”

“I’m fine,” said Gaeta. Looking at his strained face, Lee knew it was as much of a lie as his own reply had been, but he didn’t challenge it any more than Gaeta had him. They had an unspoken agreement about such things.

Lee was always amazed that Gaeta hadn’t had a breakdown long ago. Spying on Baltar and the Cylons while working so closely with them, under constant threat of exposure, would play havoc with anyone’s nerves, especially after what had happened to Ana. Lee wasn’t sure he could have coped with it himself. There were obviously hidden strengths in Gaeta that he had never suspected were there back on Galactica. 

Not that he’d really known Gaeta that well until he married Ana and moved down to the planet. Ana and Gaeta had been close friends and the three of them had spent a lot of time together before the Cylons invaded.

“So, why has Roslin summoned me?” Gaeta asked, falling into step beside Lee as they headed into the woods. “I hope it’s important. I don’t like coming up here in daylight unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

“It’s definitely important,” said Lee. “The fleet’s back.”

Gaeta stopped dead in mid-stride. “What?”

Lee turned slowly to look at him. “I said the fleet’s back.”

“Really?” Gaeta’s eyes were wide and desperate.

“Really,” said Lee firmly, suddenly understanding. “It’s true.”

Utter relief spread across Gaeta’s face. He closed his eyes.

Lee stayed silent for a moment, letting the other man absorb the news. Looking at his face now, he realised that Gaeta had been closer to breaking than he’d thought.

Finally Gaeta took a deep breath and opened his eyes. He smiled awkwardly at Lee.

“I’m sorry. It’s just...it’s been so long. I was beginning to be afraid they weren’t coming back.”

Lee shrugged. “I was sure they weren’t.”

Gaeta looked shocked. “Lee, surely you know your father would never leave us behind!”

There was utter conviction in his tone. How did his father manage to inspire such faith in people? Lee had never understood it.

“Looks like you were right,” he said appeasingly. 

A memory suddenly swam to the surface of his mind. 

_ If it was you we’d never leave. _

He hadn’t believed his father at the time. Maybe he should have. The thought made him feel a little warmer inside.

“Things must be fairly chaotic up at the caves,” Gaeta commented, starting forward again.

“They will be now,” agreed Lee, following. “Starbuck’s here, and there’s a big meeting this afternoon to outline my father’s rescue plan.”

“So that’s why they wanted me here.” Gaeta cast a sideways look at Lee. “I imagine they won’t waste too much time putting this plan into action. The fleet aren’t going to be able to hover up there for too long without the Cylons spotting them.”

“No.”

A smile spread across Gaeta’s face. “Now I understand why you came to meet me. We’re going to have to move up the timing of our plans, aren’t we? One in particular.”

Lee nodded. Gaeta had always been quick. “Otherwise we’re going to lose our opportunity for good. Can it be done?”

“Oh, yes. I’ve had the lure in place for weeks. It’s just a question of using it.”

Lee took a deep breath. “Felix-”

“Yes?”

“Are you sure you still want to do this?”

Gaeta stopped and turned to face him. His voice was suddenly hard. “Why? Are you having second thoughts?”

“Of course not!”

“Well, neither am I. Ana was my friend for a lot longer than she was your wife, Lee.”

Lee had never heard the usually mild-mannered Gaeta speak so harshly. He flushed, feeling slightly ashamed of himself.

“I know. I’m sorry, Felix.”

\---

They arrived back at the caves just in time for the meeting. Tigh drew Gaeta away, presumably for a quick consultation with Laura.

Lee headed for the main cavern. He could tell immediately that the news of the fleet’s return was now common knowledge. The cavern throbbed with noise. People were laughing, crying, hugging wherever he looked. Lee found a corner at the back of the cavern and settled down to watch the show.

Laura opened the meeting, officially announcing the fleet’s return and assuring everyone that plans were in hand to evacuate all the colonists as soon as possible. Then Kara and Tigh stood up to explain the plan.

Kara looked bewildered at the roar of applause that greeted her. But then she’d never really understood just how popular she’d been in the fleet, or how celebrated her exploits had become. Seeing her again gave them all faith that they’d get out of this – if anyone could pull it off it was Starbuck, the pilot whose crazy gambles somehow always succeeded.

Lee couldn’t help smiling himself. It  _ was _ good to see her again.

He wasn’t too surprised at the content of the plan Kara outlined. It was fairly obvious – distract the Cylons with a few resistance attacks on their bases around the town, while the agents operating within the town got the civilians out to rendezvous points with raptors. He was more interested in the parts Kara left out, such as how exactly the fleet were going to deal with the two Cylon basestars guarding the planet. It would have to be something fairly spectacular, though he was sure his dad wouldn’t disappoint him.

Then there was the fact that the Cylons on the planet wouldn’t just let the colonists go without a fight. There were going to be casualties, and probably heavy ones. He wondered how many of the people celebrating in this cavern would actually make it back to the fleet.

Tigh started assigning duties and missions, but Lee’s attention drifted. He had plans of his own to make, and he needed to make them fast. He wanted to see the back of this planet as much as anyone, and he would do whatever was required of him to make the rescue mission a success.

But he wasn’t ready to leave New Caprica just yet.

He had some scores to settle first. 

  
  



	7. Chapter 7

As the meeting broke up, Kara was surrounded by a swarm of people, asking questions about the plan, or for news of friends and family who were still with the fleet. It was some time before she was able to tear herself away and by then the man she was after had disappeared out of the cavern.

She headed out into the passage and saw Tyrol.

“Have you seen Gaeta?”

Tyrol nodded. “I think he went to wait for Roslin in her cave.”

“Thanks.” Kara walked quickly in that direction. Roslin was still busy answering questions, but she’d probably manage to get away before too long. Kara wanted to make sure she got a private word with Gaeta before that happened. She wanted to know exactly what had happened to Dee, and he appeared to be the person to ask.

The curtain across the entrance to Laura’s office had been pulled shut, but Kara could hear Gaeta’s voice as she approached. 

“I’ll see you at the old school tent, then, unless I let you know otherwise.”

“Do you think there’ll be any problems, Felix?”

Kara stopped, startled. That was Lee’s voice. And –  _ Felix _ ? She hadn’t thought he and Gaeta were on first name terms.

“I don’t anticipate any, Lee. He trusts me; he’s too convinced of his own superiority to imagine I could be a threat to him.” She’d never heard Gaeta speak with such contempt.

“More fool him. I’ll see you then, Felix.”

The curtain moved and Kara hurriedly took a pace backwards as Lee emerged from behind it.

He halted when he saw her, a flicker of apprehension crossing his face before it settled into calm. It was so swift that only someone who knew him as well as she did would have caught it.

“Do you want something, Kara?” He sounded casual, but his eyes were watching her intently, as if trying to decide if she had overheard.

“Roslin asked me to wait in her office for her. This is the right place, isn’t it?” Let him think she had been hovering around because she was lost.

“Yes, it is.” Lee looked suspicious, but he seemed to accept it. “Gaeta’s already in there. I’ll see you later.”

He brushed past her before she could say anything more.

Kara looked after him, frowning. Interesting. What had he and Gaeta been talking about, and why didn’t he want her to know about it?

She was going to get to the bottom of this.

\---

“Hey, Gaeta,” she said, pushing back the curtain and entering the cave. “Mind if I join you?”

“Of course not, Starbuck.” He was looking a little wary, though. “It’s good to see you again.”

“Good to see you too,” said Kara, and meant it. “We’ve missed you in CIC.”

“I hear you’re the XO now? Congratulations.”

“Thanks. Although I think the Old Man was forced to it through lack of other candidates.” Kara grinned ruefully. “Sounds like you’ve been doing good work down here. Roslin says the resistance wouldn’t have survived without your information.”

Gaeta shifted awkwardly. “I do what I can.”

“Must be tough, though,” said Kara. “Being on your guard the whole time-”

“It gets tiring,” Gaeta admitted, sitting down on a flat rock. “And I used to think working in CIC was stressful.” He sighed. “If someone had told me a year ago what I would be doing now, I would have-”

“What?” asked Kara curiously, as he broke off.

Gaeta smiled bitterly. “Well, I would have kept my mouth shut about the presidential election being fixed, that’s for sure.”

What ? The election had been fixed? By who? The comment almost diverted Kara, but she made herself ignore it. She had a purpose in talking to Gaeta, and she mustn’t lose sight of it.

“I met Lee outside,” she said, trying to sound casual. “Saw you were talking. How do you think he’s doing?”

Gaeta stared at her for a moment, with an expression she couldn’t read. Then a wry smile spread across his face.

“So that’s it.”

“What?”

“The reason for this friendly chat. You want to pump me for information about Lee.”

“That’s not it!” denied Kara. Gaeta looked at her sceptically, and she pulled a face. “Okay, maybe some of it is, but I am glad to see you again, Gaeta. It’s just...I’m worried about Lee. Things aren’t right with him. You know that, I can see it in your face.”

Gaeta stared at her for a moment longer and then sighed, seeming to come to a decision. “I know he’s a bit withdrawn-”

“A bit withdrawn? It’s more than that!” said Kara. “Did you see him in the meeting just now? Hidden away at the back, barely listening...that’s not Lee! He should have been up at the front with us organising everyone.”

Gaeta sighed. “Okay, maybe it is more than that, but can you blame him? The man watched his wife die in front of him, Kara. You don’t just get over something like that.”

Kara froze at his words. She stared at him, struggling to find her voice.

“He watched Dee die?”

“Yes.” Gaeta looked surprised. “Didn’t you know?”

“No.” Kara took a deep breath. “All Laura told me was that Dee died in the Cylon prison.”

“Oh. Well, I suppose it’s not common knowledge. I didn’t really want to talk about it.” Gaeta looked down at his tightly clenched hands. “I was the one who found her...found them, you know. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. They’d beaten her so badly-” He choked.

“I’m sorry,” said Kara, abruptly remembering how close he had been to Dee. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“It’s all right,” said Gaeta, although she could tell by his tone that it wasn’t. “I just wish I’d acted sooner, you know? Realised sooner that she’d been arrested. If I had, I might have been in time-”

Kara found herself reaching out to put her hand on his shoulder. “You did the best you could. Think of all the other people who were freed that night. They wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you.”

She felt Gaeta’s back shudder under her hand as he struggled to control his breathing. “I suppose so. Thank you, Starbuck.”

“No problem.” She waited a minute for him to compose himself, then said quietly, “What did you mean when you said Lee saw her die? Was she still alive when you got there?”

Gaeta shook his head. “No. What I meant was that the Cylons killed her in front of Lee. Though I don’t think they meant to kill her. It was a mistake. One of them ‘miscalculated the force of his blows’,” he said savagely. Kara had never seen him look so hard, or so bitter. “That’s what their damned report said, anyway.”

Kara was horrified. “They wrote a report?”

“Oh, yes. They’re very meticulous about things like that. Put it all down, cool and clinical. Neither Ana or Lee were breaking under torture, so they decided to try something different. Try torturing one of them in front of the other, to see if the other would talk to save them.” His voice faltered. “They decided Lee had more valuable information than Ana did, so they picked her to torture. And that’s why she died. Cylon logic.”

_ Oh my gods. _

Kara stared at Gaeta, swallowing hard as the full meaning of his words sank in.

“No wonder Lee has nightmares,” she said finally. 

Her throat tightened at the thought of what he must have been through, to watch Dee suffering like that, and know he had to stay silent and let it happen to protect the rest of the resistance-

“No wonder,” said Gaeta in a brittle voice. “Have you seen the scars on his wrists? He’d cut himself nearly down to the bone trying to get free of his handcuffs and get to Ana by the time I got there.”

Kara looked away. She couldn’t imagine how Lee must have felt. Didn’t want to. 

Lee, who always felt he had to look after everyone else. To be put into a situation where he couldn’t look after everyone, where whichever way he chose someone he cared for would suffer-

She could hardly bear to think about it.

Well, now she understood why Lee had withdrawn into himself the way he had. All too clearly.

“So if he’s not quite himself at the moment,” Gaeta said, “he’s got reason. Don’t push him.”

Kara disagreed, although she didn’t say so. She couldn’t help thinking that Lee had got into this state precisely because no-one had pushed him. Because they had all done instead what most people did when faced with Lee stone-walling them and backed away. Let him keep them at a distance.

That wasn’t what Lee needed. He needed someone to break those walls down, push him into living again.

Gaeta didn’t know Lee like she did. No-one did.

\---

Roslin and Tigh arrived before Kara had time to ask Gaeta about the conversation she’d overheard between him and Lee. When the meeting ended, Roslin delayed her with a few questions, and by the time she was finished Gaeta had already disappeared back to the town.

Kara went to find Racetrack.

“I want you to keep an eye on Lee for me. Tell me if he leaves the caves unexpectedly or at an unusual time.”

Racetrack studied her consideringly. “Are you going to tell me why?”

“No, because I don’t know why,” said Kara. “But Lee’s up to something, and I’m afraid it will turn out to be dangerous.”

“All right,” said Racetrack after a moment. “I’ll do it.”

“Thanks,” said Kara with relief. “I owe you one, Meg.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll claim it back,” said Racetrack with a smile.

“Do you know where Lee is now?” asked Kara. “He’s not asleep, and he’s not in the cavern either.”

“Oh, he’ll be on guard duty up at the lookout,” said Racetrack. “He does that most nights. I’ll take you there.”

Kara nodded her thanks and followed. She thought it was time she started giving Lee that push.

  
  



	8. Chapter 8

Lee was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn’t realise someone was climbing up to the lookout until they were nearly at the top of the rope ladder.

Glancing down, he saw to his relief that it was only Cally, but he gave himself a mental kick. What if it had been a Cylon? He couldn’t allow himself to get distracted like that.

He wasn’t too surprised to see Cally; he’d been expecting her at some point. She looked different, he realised absently; her eyes were brighter than usual and there was a determined set to her chin that he hadn’t seen since before her imprisonment.

It usually took her some time to start talking, but that was different today too. She fixed him with a fierce stare and spoke immediately.

“I’m not going to abandon my baby, Lee.”

He took a careful breath, slightly taken aback. “Is anyone asking you to?”

“Galen is.”

“I can’t believe that,” said Lee, meaning it. Tyrol wasn’t that kind of man. “He’d never just abandon your daughter, Cally, you know that.”

“Oh, he’s not going to abandon her,” said Cally bitterly. “Just me. He wants me to get on the first raptor back to the fleet, keep out of harm’s way.”

“Oh.” Lee could understand Tyrol’s feelings, although he wasn’t about to say so. “It’s only because he’s worried about you-”

“I know!” snapped Cally. She paced over to the edge of the platform.

“I’m sure Tyrol will look for the baby-”

“No, he won’t.” Cally turned back to face him, her voice hollow. “Oh, he says he will, and I’m sure he means to. But how is he going to do that and carry out his part in the rescue mission?” She stared at Lee challengingly. “Tell me!”

“Not easily,” Lee admitted.

“It’ll come down to a choice between looking for her and his duty to take care of his people, and he’ll choose them,” said Cally, her voice hard.

“Cally-” 

“Oh, I’m not blaming him, Lee,” she said, more softly. “It’s the way he’s made. I wouldn’t love him if he were different. I know if he had no other demands on him, he’d spend every moment we have left here looking for her. But he does have other duties, and I don’t. So I have to be the one who goes looking for her.”

“I know,” said Lee. They’d talked about this before.

She walked closer, so she could see his face clearly in the late afternoon light. “And will you still help?”

Lee thought for a moment. He should probably refuse. Looking for the baby would be dangerous. Tyrol was right; it probably would be better if Cally went back to the fleet. He knew any of the others would say he shouldn’t help her.

But-

But this was Cally’s decision to make, no-one else’s. This was what she needed to do, and who was he to say she was wrong, or try to stop her? Looking into her eyes now, he was abruptly aware that if she didn’t do this, didn’t do anything she could to find her baby, the guilt and regret would consume her entirely.

He knew all about that.

“Yes, I’ll help,” he said, holding her eyes firmly. “I said I would.”

Cally stared at him for a moment, and then nodded. Some of the tension seemed to drain out of her body. “Then we need to go. Soon.”

“I know. I just need the entry codes from Felix. I’ll get them tomorrow, and then we can leave.”

“Good.” For the first time Cally’s voice trembled slightly. “I can’t wait here any longer, Lee. It’s killing me.”

“I know.” He found himself reaching out, putting a hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him in surprise. “The waiting will be over soon, Cally. I promise.”

\---

A few minutes later Lee heard the familiar creak of the rope ladder.

“Sounds like we’ve got company,” he said to Cally, who looked as irritated as he felt. 

“We’ll have to make our plans later.”

Cally nodded just as an all too familiar blonde head appeared over the edge of the platform. 

Lee groaned inwardly. He should have guessed.

“Lee, I need to-” Kara broke off as she spotted Cally. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“You weren’t,” said Cally, although her face showed her annoyance. “I was just leaving.”

“You don’t have to go,” said Lee, hoping she wouldn’t leave him alone with Kara. There was a determined look in her eyes that he didn’t like.

“Yes, I do.” Cally sent him an incredulous look that showed she’d recognised the expression on Kara’s face too. She knew better than to get between Starbuck and Apollo when storm clouds were hovering. “I need some sleep. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Lee?”

“Yes...and Cally?” She turned to look at him and he smiled, trying to make it as reassuring as possible. “I won’t forget my promise.”

“Good.” She smiled before she climbed down the ladder.

Lee took a deep breath, bracing himself before he turned to Kara.

“What do you want?” he asked, trying to sound as indifferent as he could.

His tone only made Kara’s face tighten in annoyance. “I want to talk to you. You can’t avoid me forever, Lee.”

“I wasn’t aware that I was avoiding you.”

“Yes, you are.” Kara’s voice snapped through the air between them. “And I’ve had enough of it. I want you to tell me what’s going on with you.”

“There’s nothing going on.” He felt his own anger rising in response. How dare she do this? How dare she just walk back into his life and assume she had the right to know all about it?

“Nothing? Really?” Kara took several steps towards him. He could feel her eyes boring into his face. “Then tell me why everyone I’ve spoken to since I’ve got here has told me how worried they are about you, how you’re not acting normally-”

He glared back at her, refusing to flinch. “I’m coping.”

“No you’re not,” she said harshly. “You’re wallowing.”

“What?” He hadn’t expected that.

“You’re wallowing in your grief and letting everyone down.”

That shot struck home, though Lee tried not to let her see it. “That’s not true,” he said.

“Isn’t it? What about the meeting this afternoon, Lee? Where were you?”

“I was there,” he protested.

“Lurking at the back,” said Kara, with disgust. “Not where you should have been, up the front helping us to plan the mission.”

Her words pricked him and he struck out defensively. “You and Tigh are perfectly capable of planning the evacuation on your own. After all, you’re the famous out-of-the-box thinker.”

“Well, you could at least have stuck around afterwards.” Kara relentlessly continued the attack. “Asked how you could help, volunteered for one of the missions-”

“I’ll do my part,” he snapped, furious that she should imply otherwise. “Whatever Tigh assigns me to do, I’ll do.”

“Well, that’s just great.” Kara rolled her eyes. “Spoken like a good little follower. But that’s not you, Lee. You’re a leader, you always have been.”

“Not any more,” he said. Some of the anger died out of him and he felt incredibly tired. “I can’t take responsibility for other people’s lives like that any more, Kara. I won’t.”

“Well, tough.” Her face softened slightly, but her eyes were still hard. “You can’t just give up, Lee. I know what you’ve been through, but-”

“No, you don’t!” Those last words fanned his fury back to full flame. “You haven’t seen me for over a year, Kara! You don’t know a damn thing about me or my life.”

For a moment he thought he saw hurt flicker across her face, but then she scowled angrily.

“And whose fault is that? If you’d just tell me all about it...about how you’re feeling-”

“What’s that?” Lee couldn’t believe he was hearing this. He laughed incredulously. “You want me to talk? To you? About my feelings?”

Kara stepped back from him, flinching slightly. “Why not?”

“If I talk, what are you going to do? Comfort me? Show some sympathy?” Lee laughed again and saw her wince at the sound. “I’m almost tempted to talk, just to watch you try to do it.”

Kara’s jaw set hard. “Don’t be so... I’m just trying to help-”

“Well, you’re not.” He had to push her away. If he gave her an opening he was afraid she would slip through his defences as she had so often before. “If I wanted to talk, which I don’t, the last person I’d choose would be you.” He made his tone as cutting as he could and was pleased to see her mouth tremble.

“Lee-”

“You don’t want to help me, Kara, you just want to help yourself. You want good old reliable Lee back, so you can push all the responsibility onto him. You don’t want me to have any problems of my own, so I can put all my energy into worrying about yours.”

“Lee!” She jerked back from him as if he’d punched her. “That’s not fair!”

He knew it wasn’t, was almost as horrified as she was that the words had come out of his mouth. But at some level he realised he meant them; that the thoughts had been lurking at the bottom of his mind for years. 

She’d always needed him to be the reliable one, the supportive one. The one who pulled her out of trouble, who rescued her from her self-destructive impulses, the one who provided comfort even when she spurned it.

It never seemed to occur to her that he might sometimes need support and comfort in return. And he’d never realised until now how much he resented that.

“It doesn’t matter,” he said harshly, trying not to let her see how unsettled he felt. “You just need to understand I’m not that person any more. He’s gone, and I can’t get him back.”

“You mean you won’t even try.” Kara’s voice was bitter and accusing.

“Not for you.” Lee used his final weapon. “There’s nothing between us, Kara.”

The look on her face made him ache inside, but he pressed on mercilessly. “You said that yourself. You can’t just change your mind about it when it suits you.”

She stared at him for a moment in silence. The hurt faded from her face and anger took its place.

“You’re right, Lee,” she said slowly. “I did say that. And at the moment I’m reminded why.”

He held her accusing eyes defiantly. She would not make him back down, even if he did feel guilty.

“Good,” he said. “Maybe then you’ll go. Leave me alone.”

Her mouth thinned angrily. “Fine,” she snapped. “I’ll go. At the moment, it’ll be my pleasure.”

She stalked across the platform and started to climb down the ladder.

Lee had a sudden urge to go over, call her back. Tell her he hadn’t meant it.

But he didn’t. He forced the treacherous impulse down and let her go.

It was better this way. She made him feel things, and he didn’t want that. He wanted to stay numb. Anything else hurt too much.

Besides, he had promises to keep. To Ana, and now to Cally as well. He couldn’t let anything distract him from that, especially not Kara.

\---

Kara stormed back to the cave she’d slept in the night before.

So much for giving Lee a push. She should have expected him to push back.

Though not that he would be quite so ruthless about it. The things he’d said – they were ringing in her ears even now.

She’d said he was being unfair, and he was – but she had to admit there was a grain of truth in some of things he’d said. She had taken his support for granted and not always given him the same in return.

But she meant to make up for it now, if only he’d let her.

She’d thought that if she could make him angry enough he’d open up, but it hadn’t worked in the slightest. She was determined she would get him to talk to her in the end, though. She just needed to change her tactics. 

She dropped off to sleep while she was deciding what her next move would be. It seemed like only minutes later that she felt someone shaking her awake.

She opened her eyes grumpily to see Racetrack looking down at her.

“What?” she said, and then realised as she gathered her wits together that she knew what. “It’s Lee, isn’t it?”

Racetrack nodded. “He just headed off into the woods. You were right; there’s definitely something up. He was doing his best to make sure no-one saw him.”

“Which direction did he go?” Kara sat up and pulled on her jacket.

“Looked like he was heading for the ford,” said Racetrack. “I’ll show you the way. You’ll have to hurry if you’re going to catch him.”

Kara hurried. She wasn’t going to let him give her the slip that easily.


	9. Chapter 9

Lee made his way to New Caprica town without any problems. He’d done the journey so many times in the last nine months that he knew the route blindfold – and knew just how to avoid the Cylon patrols.

The next obstacle was getting into the town itself.

The Cylons had made a few changes to New Caprica town after they occupied it. They’d organised the tents on more orderly lines and constructed a few wooden buildings, including their government building and the prison. The most obvious change, though, was the stake fence they had built around the town. Eight feet high, it protected the Cylons from resistance attacks – and kept the townspeople safely penned in.

Their security wasn’t as good as they thought, though. Lee had a number of tricks he used to get into the town, and had never been caught at it. He hoped his luck would hold good again.

He found himself a hiding place among some bushes at the edge of the dirt track that led from the town to the forest edge, and settled down to wait for dusk.

As twilight fell, he heard the sounds he had been waiting for – the murmur of human voices accompanied by the rhythmic thud of Centurions. A logging work gang returning from their day of forced labour in the forest.

Lee waited until they passed his hiding place and then slipped onto the end of the column. It was unlikely anyone would notice in the dim light, and the Centurions couldn’t tell one human from another. He was dressed much the same as the workers, and he pulled a cap low over his face so that someone would have to peer closely to get a good look at him.

Luck was with him. The Cylons at the gate waved the work gang through with only a cursory glance. The workers scattered to their homes and Lee wandered away with them.

He headed for a large tent on the edge of the town, near the fence. Laura had used it as a schoolroom once, but that had ended when she escaped to join the resistance. The Cylons had banned anyone from starting the school up again, afraid that it would be used as a focus for rebellion. Since then the tent had been used for storage and lay empty most of the time. At a distance from the nearby tents, it was an excellent meeting place. 

It always gave Lee a feeling of satisfaction to reflect that it was indeed being used as a focus for rebellion, just as the Cylons had feared.

It was almost fully dark now. Gaeta should be here soon, if all went according to plan. He looked around to make sure no-one was watching and slipped inside the tent. There was an up-turned packing crate near the entrance and he settled down on it to wait.

\---

He didn’t have to wait long. Soon enough he heard footsteps approaching, and glimpsed a flash of light from a torch. Then the murmur of a voice, which solidified into Gaius Baltar’s unmistakable petulant tones.

“I just don’t see why I have to come all the way out here. Can’t she visit me in my office?”

“I think she’s too afraid of Caprica Six, sir,” came Gaeta’s soothing reply. “You know how touchy she can be.”

“Good point.” There was a rustle of canvas as the two men entered the tent. Lee caught a glimpse of them both, silhouetted in the gap, before Gaeta replaced the flap and darkness descended again.

“For frak’s sake, Gaeta, switch the torch back on,” complained Baltar. “I can’t see a damned thing.”

“Of course,” said Gaeta dutifully. He switched on the torch. It wasn’t powerful, but it gave enough light for Baltar to see Lee standing in front of him, less than three feet away.

Gun pointed directly at Baltar’s head.

\---

Baltar gasped, eyes widening. For a long moment he stood there completely paralysed, staring at Lee.

Lee could see the fear in his eyes and felt a surge of satisfaction. Good. He wanted Baltar to be afraid. Wanted him to be scared down to his bones.

He had to give the man some credit, though. After the initial shock, he did manage to recover himself slightly.

“Adama? Is that you?” The man even had the gall to try and smile at him. “What are you doing here?”

Lee sent him a look that made the smile slide abruptly off his face. “Waiting for you.” He looked past Baltar and nodded to Gaeta. “Right on time, Felix.”

“Of course.” Gaeta pulled a gun out of his jacket and pointed it at Baltar. There was a click as he removed the safety catch. “I wouldn’t try anything, Gaius. You might avoid one of our bullets, but not both.”

Baltar was looking really frightened now. “Gaeta? What’s going on?”

Lee answered for him. “That depends on what you like to call it, Doctor. Retribution? Justice? Either way, your past is finally catching up with you.”

Baltar’s eyes flicked nervously to his. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Don’t you?” Lee smiled unpleasantly. “Well, then, let me refresh your memory. You betrayed my wife to the Cylons.”

He watched the other man intently as he spoke, and was rewarded by a flicker - a very brief flicker - of guilt before Baltar recovered himself and started blustering his innocence.

“This is ridiculous! I never did anything of the kind. I don’t know what gave you that idea, but-”

Gaeta cut him off. “Shut the hell up,” he said in a tone of pure contempt. “I know it was you who betrayed her. The Cylons’ official report on her case said so.”

Baltar paled. “It can’t have!”

“Why, did they promise you it would all be kept secret?” said Gaeta scathingly. “You should know better than to trust Cylon promises, Gaius. It was all there, in black and white. How you gave Ana up.”

“Gaeta, I swear I didn’t-”

“The Cylons weren’t happy with you, were they, Gaius? You couldn’t get the people to co-operate like they wanted, couldn’t get them to join the work gangs peacefully or stop the defections to the resistance. They were beginning to question whether you were really on their side, were going to get rid of you and pick a more effective President.”

Baltar’s eyes were darting around like a trapped rat. “It’s not true!”

Gaeta ignored him. “So you had to prove your loyalty, and you knew just how to do it. I don’t know how you knew Ana was working for the Resistance, but you did. So you betrayed her to the Cylons, just to save your own sorry skin and keep your pathetic post as President.”

“Lies, it’s all lies!” Sweat was running down Baltar’s forehead. “You can’t believe all that just from a Cylon report! You said it yourself, Gaeta, they can’t be trusted.”

“And what about you?” shot back Gaeta fiercely. “Can you be trusted?”

Baltar stared at him in confusion. “What?”

“What about you, Gaius? Because I heard you admit that you betrayed Ana yourself.”

Baltar was trembling now. “You can’t have done.”

“I did. You were arguing with one of the Fives. She was questioning your loyalty, and you reminded her how you handed Ana over. I heard you with my own ears!” Lee had never seen Gaeta so furious. “After that I broke into the encrypted reports and got all the confirmation I needed.”

Baltar opened his mouth to protest, but nothing came out.

“Stop lying, Gaius,” said Gaeta wearily. “We both know you did it.”

Baltar looked at him pleadingly. “I had to, Gaeta! They were going to kill me. I’m sorry about Dee, but I had to do something. It was her or me.”

“And you chose yourself. Of course.” Gaeta’s face twisted. “You disgust me, do you know that? I can’t believe I ever respected you.”

Baltar opened his mouth to reply, but Lee interrupted him.

“Do you know what they did to her?”

Baltar gaped at him. “What?”

“Her or me, you said. Do you know what the Cylons did to Ana after you decided it was going to be her?” Lee kept his eyes trained on Baltar’s face until the other man swallowed and looked away.

“No, I don’t.”

Lee told him.

Baltar went even paler than before. At one point he looked as if he were going to be sick. 

“And by the time Felix got to us, she was dead,” Lee finished, in the same even tone he had used throughout. “That was because of you. You killed her as surely as if you’d beaten her to death yourself.” He moved his gun slightly, gauging the target. “Now you’re going to pay for that.”

“What the-” Baltar stared at him, shaking. “You can’t mean...dear gods, no!”

“You killed her,” said Lee. That was all there was to it. “Any last words?”

Baltar looked frantically at Gaeta. “You can’t let him do this!”

“If he doesn’t, I’ll do it myself,” said Gaeta coldly. “Ana was my closest friend. I swore I’d see whoever betrayed her dead, and I will.”

“Adama! Please! I know you’re upset, but you can’t do this! Please!”

Lee ignored him. Suddenly, at the corner of his eye, he caught a movement at the tent flap. 

“Felix,” he said urgently, but Gaeta had seen it. He turned his gun to cover the tent flap as Kara stepped through it.

_ What the hell was she doing here?  _ Lee didn’t have time to wonder. She was here, and she was pointing her gun straight at him.

“Drop the gun, Lee.”

“No.” He wasn’t going to let her stop him, not now. He was going to make Baltar pay. He owed it to Ana.

“Keep out of this, Starbuck.” That was Gaeta. “You don’t understand. He betrayed Ana.”

“I know. I heard.” Kara spoke to Gaeta, but she kept her eyes fixed on Lee. “It doesn’t matter. You can’t do this, Lee.”

“I can,” said Lee. “He killed Ana. That’s all that matters.”

“No, it’s not. I understand how you feel, Lee, but this isn’t the way. You can’t just kill him like this, without even a trial-”

Lee laughed harshly. “A trial? What planet are you living on, Kara? Certainly not this one.”

“We don’t need a trial,” said Gaeta. “He did it, and he’s going to pay.”

“What are you going to do to stop me, Kara?” Lee asked mockingly. “Shoot me?”

Her face paled, but she nodded. “If I have to.”

“Go ahead, then,” he said, calling her bluff. “But Felix will still kill Baltar. You can’t stop both of us.” His finger hovered over the trigger. He was getting tired of this.

“Lee, you can’t do this!” Kara sounded desperate now. “You can’t just kill an unarmed man in cold blood-”

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” said Lee, and pulled the trigger.


	10. Chapter 10

The echoes of the gunshot died away as Kara stared down at Baltar’s crumpled body on the floor.

“Is he dead?” she asked numbly. She couldn’t believe Lee had actually pulled the trigger. 

Gaeta stepped forward. “I think so.” He looked coldly down at Baltar, and then fired a shot directly into the man’s skull. “But that should make sure of it.”

Kara swallowed hard. She felt as if she had strayed into some parallel universe. If anyone had told her that Lee and Gaeta, of all people, would deliberately entrap a man and execute him, she would have laughed in their faces. But they had, and neither of them seemed in the least bothered by it. Baltar had betrayed Dee to her death, and they’d decided he deserved to die in return. That was all that seemed to matter to them.

She could understand why they felt that way, but...she remembered how horrified Lee had been about the plot to kill Cain. Had he really changed that much?

Maybe he’d been right when he said he was a different person now. She wasn’t sure she recognised this Lee.

Or Gaeta. Or Cally, or Hot Dog...what the hell had this planet done to everyone?

Gaeta’s voice roused her from her reverie.

“Lee, we need to go. Someone may have heard the shots.”

Lee started. He’d been staring down at Baltar’s body, lost in thought. “Of course.”

“Did you bring the equipment?”

“It’s all here.” Lee took off the backpack he was wearing and passed it to Gaeta. “You remember how to use it?”

Gaeta half smiled. “You did show me half a dozen times. Here’s the information you wanted.” He passed an envelope to Lee, who slipped it into his pocket.

Kara watched all this with gathering suspicion. What the hell were they up to? But before she could demand to know, she heard raised voices outside.

Someone had heard the shots.

“We have to go.”

Lee nodded. “Good luck, Felix.” He held out his hand, and Gaeta clasped it firmly.

“Lee...in case I don’t see you again-”

“What?” Lee was already moving towards the tent flap.

“I didn’t save your life in that prison just so you could throw it away,” said Gaeta. Lee stilled and turned to look at him. “Ana wouldn’t have wanted that, either. Remember that.”

Lee stared at him. Kara grabbed his arm and jerked him forward.

“Guys, this is not the time for heart-to-heart chats. Get moving!”

_ Men, _ she thought exasperatedly, as they left the tent.  _ No common sense whatsoever. _

Gaeta disappeared into the shadows and Kara jabbed Lee with her elbow. “How do we get out of here?” She could hear the thud of centurions approaching.

“Main gate’s this way,” said Lee. He ran down the street.

Kara followed him. “What’s the...plan?” she gasped.

“Blast our...way out.”

“You...didn’t have...a better plan...than that?” 

“Wasn’t sure...I’d be coming...back. Wasn’t expecting...company.”

“Idiot. You can’t...shake me. Don’t you...know that?”

Lee didn’t reply.

They arrived at the main gate. At least it was only wood, Kara thought. Easy enough to blast through. But there were two Centurions guarding it. 

Not many. The Cylons must have got complacent. She smiled grimly.

“Got explosive rounds loaded?” Lee asked. She noticed he’d pulled out a different gun to the one he’d used in the tent.

She nodded.

“This may help too.” He passed her a grenade. 

She looked at him and grinned. “I thought you said you didn’t have a plan?”

“I did.” Lee grinned back, and for a moment they were Starbuck and Apollo again. “Blast our way out.”

\---

They blasted their way out. A grenade took care of one centurion and Kara got a headshot on the other. Lee used another grenade to blow open the gate and then they were out of the town and pelting towards the forest.

They’d nearly reached the shelter of the trees when a shot hit the ground about a yard to their left.

Lee looked back and swore. “One of the boundary patrols found us.”

They ran into the trees but couldn’t shake the two Centurions off, or get a killshot on them when they fired back. The robots pounded relentlessly after them, and their shots were getting closer and closer. One struck a branch only inches from Kara’s head.

They paused for a moment by a pond to catch their breath.

“They’re tracking our body heat,” Lee gasped. “Only one thing to do.”

“What?”

“This.” Lee pushed her into the pond.

The shock of the fall and the coldness of the water stunned Kara for a minute. When she finally surfaced, spluttering, the Centurions had almost reached the pond. She sank back down into the water, hoping to the gods this worked.

The Centurions stopped for a moment, confused. Kara held her breath, keeping absolutely still, wishing her heart wasn’t thumping so loud.

She could see the red light from one of the Centurions turning towards her, slowly scanning the pond.

Kara’s knee cramped suddenly and she moved involuntarily. A small ripple spread through the water.

The red light moved abruptly, directly towards her-

_ Lords of Kobol, hear my prayer… _

Suddenly she heard Lee shout to her left, out of the trees. The Centurions reacted immediately. Their heads swivelled and they took off in the direction of the noise, leaving the pond, leaving Kara.

Following Lee.

Kara stumbled out of the pond, shaking, and not just from the cold.

_ The idiot. The stupid frakking idiot. What the hell is he doing? _

Running on pure fury, she headed off after the Centurions.

\---

Lee was sure Kara was raining down curses on his head right now, but he didn’t care. He’d seen a way to get her out of this, and he’d taken it. He wasn’t going to let her die out here, because she’d been a good enough friend to worry about him and follow him into danger.

Besides, she had to get away; there was no way Laura could run the evacuation mission without her. 

This was getting to be a habit, he thought, as a bush exploded a few feet away from him. Running through the woods with two Centurions on his heels.

Unfortunately, this time he was still suffering from the results of the last encounter. His left side was increasingly painful, his stitches protesting with every step. He knew he was slowing down. They were going to catch him, and soon.

There was nothing for it; he’d have to turn and face them. He spotted a fallen tree ahead that was about as good cover as he was likely to get. He jumped down behind it and turned, raising his gun.

At least the red eyes made the Centurions easy to spot in the dark. He aimed and fired, and one of the red dots erupted into flame.

He turned to target the other and pulled the trigger.

Nothing happened. 

He was out of bullets.

The ground was shaking as the Centurion pounded towards him.

Nowhere to run. It was nearly on him now.

This was it, then. Deep down he felt a sense of relief creep over him.

_ I’m sorry, Kara, _ Lee thought, and closed his eyes as everything exploded.


	11. Chapter 11

Kara ran through the woods, following the sound of gunfire, dodging around trees and boulders on pure instinct. 

_ What the hell had Lee been thinking? _ She was going to kill him when she got her hands on him.

She saw a red light ahead and realised she was catching up with the Centurions. Her heart pounded with anxiety. Lee must be slowing down.

Suddenly she heard a shot, a different sound from the Centurion’s guns, and one of the Centurions exploded. Kara stumbled and nearly fell, but she caught herself and ran forward.

She spotted Lee in the light from the flaming remains of the downed Centurion, crouched behind a fallen tree. He had his gun aimed at the other one, which was advancing relentlessly towards him, guns blazing.

Kara raised her own gun. It was a long shot, but she might just make it at this distance. She fired.

Missed. She cursed and ran on, closing the distance.

She vaguely realised Lee still hadn’t fired. What was he thinking? The Centurion was almost on him…

_ Oh gods. He’s run out of bullets. _

She raised her gun, taking aim. So far, she was still so far from them – but she had to fire now, there was no time left, no time-

Her lips moved in a silent prayer as she fired.

\---

The Centurion exploded.

Kara barely felt any relief; all her thoughts were focused on one thing. 

“Lee!” she yelled, running towards the fallen tree.  _ Frak, frak, she couldn’t see him- _

She dodged around the metal chunks of the fallen Centurion, frantically peering through the smoke from the flames. “Lee!”

“Kara.”

Her heart almost stopped at the sound of his voice. She turned towards it, and there he was, pulling himself up from behind the tree. 

Alive. Dazed and bewildered, but alive.

For a moment she couldn’t speak.

“Kara,” he said again, and the dazed expression gave way to a frown. “What are you doing here?”

She blinked at him, confused.

“I drew them off so you could get away, damn it! Why the hell did you follow me?”

Her voice came back with a vengeance. “Why did I follow you?” she shouted back, staring at him incredulously. “I don’t know, maybe it was so I could save your sorry ass when you _ran out of bullets_!”

“Kara-”

“What the frak were you doing drawing them off anyway?” It was such a relief to channel all the sick fear and panic into anger. “Have I ever... _ ever _ ...needed you to look after me?”

“I know you don’t! That wasn’t why I-”

“Why then?”

“You said it yourself,” he said, stepping over the tree trunk to stand in front of her. “I’m not important to the resistance any more, but  _ you _ are. They can’t run the evacuation without you; you had to get away-”

Kara hit him.

Dead on the jaw, channelling all her fear and fury into the punch. Lee went down like a stone, falling heavily against the tree trunk.

“You stupid frakking bastard!”

Kara couldn’t bear any more. Her hands were trembling despite her best efforts to control them, and tears were pressing behind her eyes. She turned her back on him and stumbled away into the trees, turning away from the flames to the refuge of the dark.

Everything she had seen and heard in the past few days seemed to catch up with her suddenly. The terrible things that had happened to her friends on this planet and the way they’d all changed because of it. Nothing was the same any more.

Lee most of all. She could understand why he’d shot Baltar, but the cold detachment on his face as he’d done it had chilled her to the core. Perhaps he had gone beyond her reach after all, gone too far for her to pull him back. 

Her legs were shaking, and she leaned against a tree for support. She’d saved him this time, but what about the next? She couldn’t always be there to watch his back, and he didn’t seem to care enough to do it himself.

She remembered Roslin’s words.  _ He doesn’t seem to care about living any more _ .

She was losing him, and she didn’t know how to stop it. The tears pressed again, and this time she didn’t have the strength to hold them back.

\---

Lee picked himself up off the ground, ruefully rubbing his jaw. He’d forgotten quite how hard Kara could punch when she was angry.

He’d known she would be annoyed with him for pushing her out of harm’s way but he hadn’t expected her to be quite that violent about it.

He picked his way around the remains of the Centurions, looking for her. He hoped she hadn’t gone too far. They had to get well away from here before any other Cylons came after them.

She hadn’t. She was leaning against a tree a few steps away, face buried in her hands, catching her breath.

He walked up to her. “Kara-” he said, and broke off, stunned.

She wasn’t breathing heavily, as he’d thought. She was crying.

_ She can’t be _ , he thought, utterly bewildered.  _ Kara doesn’t cry. _

But she was.

That simple fact stabbed through him, piercing all his carefully constructed walls in one sharp blow. He found himself reaching out to her, putting his hand on her shoulder, desperately wanting to help her, to do anything to make her stop crying.

“Kara, what is it? What’s wrong?”

She stiffened under his touch, but she didn’t jerk away. Instead she lowered her hands and looked up at him. 

The sight of her face, pale and tear-stained, hurt him even more. The numbness that had protected his heart for so long seemed to be slipping away.

“I thought you were going to die,” she said, her voice raw with pain.

“I’m still here.” His hand tightened on her shoulder. “You saved me, Kara.”

“But what about the next time?” she asked harshly. “And don’t say there won’t be one. I’ve heard the stories, Lee. You’re too reckless now and you don’t seem to care if it kills you.”

Other people had said the same thing to him and he’d ignored them. But he couldn’t do that this time. Not to her, especially when she was like this.

He took a painful breath and tried to explain. “I made a promise,” he said slowly. “To Ana. I promised her I wouldn’t let the Cylons win. And I won’t. Whatever it takes. Destroying them is much more important than my life, Kara.”

Her mouth trembled. For a moment she stared at him. He stared back, unable to look away, wishing it was light enough to read her eyes.

Finally she spoke, her voice rough and uneven. “Not to me.” 

His breath stopped in his throat. 

“I need you, Lee,” she said, so quietly he barely heard her.

Surely he must have misheard. In all the years he’d known her, he’d never heard Kara Thrace admit to needing anyone, least of all him.

“You don’t mean that,” he said roughly, not wanting it to be true. He didn’t need the burden of it. “You’re Starbuck. You don’t need anyone.”

A bitter smile crossed her face. “Everyone needs somebody, Lee.”

“Then you’ve got Helo,” he said desperately, taking his hand off her shoulder. “You’ve got my dad.”

She looked straight at him, trapping him with her eyes.

“I know I have, but they’re not you. You’re more important to me than anyone else. You always have been.”

Lee stared at her for a moment and then abruptly looked away. He couldn’t bear it. Not the words themselves nor the fact that something inside him was responding to them, was thawing and cracking under the warmth of them.

“Well, I shouldn’t be,” he said, fiercely pushing the feelings away. “Do you know what kind of man I am, Kara?” Better she knew the truth about him, knew all of it. That would keep her away. “I’m the kind of man who panics and pushes his girlfriend away when she tells him she’s pregnant. I’m the kind of man who gets his wife killed because he’s too damn selfish to look after her properly.”

“Lee-” She was staring at him, eyes wide and shocked.

He pushed on desperately. “You shouldn’t need me, Kara. People who need me end up regretting it. Don’t make the same mistake.”

She opened her mouth to reply, and suddenly he couldn’t breathe. Gods knew she should despise him for what he’d done, but he couldn’t bear to see it in her face.

He turned away, biting his lip so hard he tasted blood.

“We need to get moving,” he said, hating the way his voice trembled. “There may be more Cylons around.”

“Lee-”

“We have to go. Are you ready?”

There was a long silence behind him. Finally he heard her sigh.

“All right, Lee. But don’t think I’m finished with you yet.”

_ Oh, Kara. When are you ever? _

He wanted to laugh, but he was afraid he might cry instead.

They started forward, and as they walked in silence he tried to calm himself, to repair the cracks in his defences, to be numb and detached again.

It didn’t work. For once it wasn’t Ana’s last words to him that repeated over and over in his head.

There was a new refrain now.

_ I need you, Lee. _

He wished it didn’t matter to him, but it did.


	12. Chapter 12

They returned to the caves in silence. Kara felt more and more embarrassed with every step. Had she really cried in front of Lee? And told him she needed him? She cringed inwardly, almost wishing the ground would open and swallow her up. She was glad he was leading the way and not looking at her.

She only hoped she’d got through to him. If she had, any embarrassment was worth it.

She thought she might have done. His words hadn’t been very encouraging, but the look on his face when she’d said he was more important to her than anyone else-

For a moment his face had been warm, soft, open. For a moment she’d seen the old Lee, the Lee from before New Caprica.

Maybe she just needed to keep on pushing.

\---

She fully intended to do just that when they arrived back at the caves, drag him off to a private spot and hash it out with him.

Demand to know what some of his comments had meant. What pregnant girlfriend? And why did he seem to think Dee’s death was his fault?

But they arrived back as dawn was breaking, and the smell of breakfast being prepared wafted temptingly through the air. Kara was forcibly reminded that she hadn’t eaten since the previous day. Her eyes met Lee’s and in silent agreement they headed for the main cavern to scrounge some food.

As they entered the cavern, Kara stopped dead, staring. Sitting at the long table talking to Racetrack was the last person she’d expected to see.

“ _ Karl _ ?”

He turned and waved a piece of bread at her.

“Kara! Finally!”

She walked over to the table, a broad smile spreading across her face. After the last few days, Karl was just the person she needed to see.

“What are you doing here?” she asked. “The Old Man finally decide he’d had enough of you?”

“Yep. Sent me to beg you to come back.”

“Better get on your knees then.” She reached down and stole the rest of the bread off his plate, ignoring his protests.

“I need it more than you do, Karl. It’s been a tough night.”

“Where the frak have you been anyway?” asked Helo, frowning. “They dropped me in as soon as it was dark, so I’ve been waiting all night for you to turn up. All Racetrack would tell me was that you were off with Apollo somewhere, and that she didn’t know when you’d be back.” He turned to Lee, who was hovering silently behind Kara, and grinned at him. “Hi Apollo, by the way. Good to see you again.”

“You too.” Lee turned to Kara. “Want me to get you some breakfast?”

The offer surprised Kara, but seeing the awkward look on his face, she realised this was his attempt at an apology, so she nodded.

“Thanks.”

“No problem,” said Lee stiffly, and went over to the kitchen area.

Kara sat down next to Helo, who was looking after Lee curiously. “What’s up with him?”

Kara didn’t quite know how to reply to that. “Dee died,” she said finally. That was the root of it, after all.

“Oh.” Helo closed his eyes briefly, a shadow passing over his face. “I’m sorry to hear that. She was a nice girl.”

Kara mumbled an assent through a mouthful of bread.

“So are you lending him a shoulder to cry on?”

Kara almost choked on a breadcrumb. She glared at Helo, with a pointed glance in Racetrack’s direction. She didn’t mind him teasing her about Lee – much – but not in front of someone else.

“Shut up, Karl.”

Of course he ignored her. “I guess not, from the vibes you were giving off when you walked in. I thought you wanted to patch things up with him?” Racetrack was watching him with faint horror at his daring.

“ _ Karl _ .” Kara wished for the thousandth time she’d never got drunk last Colonial Day, just after her break up with Sam. That she’d not ended up alone in the rec room with Helo just at the stage when she was maudlin enough and talkative enough to spill out all her troubles to him.

Well, not quite all. But she’d definitely said more than she should, particularly concerning how she felt about Lee. She should have known to keep her mouth shut.

“What have you fallen out about now?” Helo asked, with a sly look she wanted to smack off his face. She was a major now, though, and he was a captain. She couldn’t hit him in front of everyone, however much she wanted to. 

“We haven’t fallen out,” Kara replied through gritted teeth.

“Sure looked like it to me,” commented Helo, lazily poking at his bowl of soup with a spoon.

“We haven’t. It’s just-”

“Don’t tell me.” Helo grinned smugly. “Let me guess. It’s  _ complicated _ .”

Kara nearly did hit him then, but fortunately at that moment Lee put a bowl of soup and a steaming mug of an odd-looking dark liquid - possibly supposed to resemble coffee - down in front of her.

“Thanks,” she said awkwardly, hoping he hadn’t overheard.

She couldn’t tell from his face if he had. That remote mask had descended again. “Bread’s on its way,” he said, and disappeared.

“So you caught up with him then,” said Racetrack, once he was out of earshot. “Was everything all right?”

_ Oh gods. Where to start?  _

“It is now,” she said, though she wasn’t sure it was true. “I’ll tell you about it later.” She wasn’t up to telling the story on an empty stomach, especially with Helo pricking up his ears and looking at her curiously.

Racetrack didn’t look satisfied, but Lee came back with his own meal, so she didn’t say anything more.

\---

“So why are you here, Karl?” asked Kara when she’d cleared her plate and felt able to concentrate on something other than food. “I was scheduled to return to the ship tonight anyway.”

Helo shrugged. “Change of plan.”

“I spoke to the Old Man briefly yesterday and he didn’t mention anything,” said Kara, puzzled. “What happened?”

Helo grimaced. “The Cylons expanded their air patrols. Looks as if they might know we’re out there.”

Kara swore. “How? We’ve been so careful-”

“My communicator.”

They both turned to look at Lee. “What?”

“The communicator Dad gave me. The Cylons must have taken it when Ana and I were arrested. Dad triggered it when he was first trying to contact us – they must have picked up the signal.”

“Well, if it’s tha,t at least it means all they know is that there’s something out there. They don’t know what, or how many, or what we’re planning to do,” said Kara, trying to look on the bright side.

“All the same, the Old Man wants to move the timetable up,” said Helo. “So he adjusted the plans using the information you’d already given him and sent me down to finalise everything. I’ll go back tonight and the evacuation will begin at dusk the following day-”

He was interrupted by a familiar bellow.

“Starbuck! Apollo! Where the hell have you two been?”

Tigh stalked across the cavern towards them, scowling.

Kara bristled instinctively. “Out.”

“For over twelve hours? Without saying where you were going?” Tigh’s face got redder as his voice rose in volume. “What do you think this is, a holiday camp?”

“We were on military business,” said Kara, giving him the exact insolent grin she knew infuriated him the most.

“Really?” said Tigh with utter scepticism. “What kind of military business?”

“Can’t tell you,” said Kara sweetly. “Orders. Need to know basis only.” She could see Lee watching her with the expression that meant he was desperately trying not to laugh.

It disappeared as Tigh turned on him. “And  _ he _ needs to know? He can barely cope with sentry duty, never mind military secrets.”

Kara’s temper sparked. How dare he talk to Lee like that? At least when Lee had been put in command of a battlestar he hadn’t frakked it up because he was half drunk most of the time. She was about to make a nasty comment to that effect when Roslin’s calm voice intervened.

“Now that you’ve finally returned, Major Thrace, we can have the meeting Captain Agathon has been waiting so patiently for.” There was an edge to her words that made Kara wince as all Tigh’s anger had not. “Will the two of you and Saul join me in my office?”

“Of course.” Kara drained the last of her drink and stood up, closely followed by Helo. 

“Laura.” 

Roslin turned to Lee, looking slightly surprised. “Yes?”

“I just wanted to say-” Lee broke off, looking uncomfortable. “That is...would you like me to attend the meeting? If it would be useful-”

Roslin stared at him for a moment, a small smile on her lips. Tigh looked grimly satisfied. Helo looked confused, obviously wondering why Lee wasn’t attending the meeting as a matter of course.

“It would,” said Roslin finally. “I would value your input, Lee.”

Lee nodded and followed them out of the cavern.

Kara suddenly felt lighter, as if a weight had lifted from her shoulders. 

Lee seemed to be finally taking an interest in things again, taking a step back towards his old self.

Maybe her pushing hadn’t been in vain. 

\---

Laura kept the meeting moving a brisk pace, obviously determined not to waste any more time. In fact, there wasn’t much to discuss – the plan had been hammered out in earlier meetings and this was just finalising locations, people and times.

Lee listened carefully, being the only one there not already familiar with the details. He’d realised on the way back to the caves that Kara had been right in what she’d said the other night. He  _ was  _ letting people down by not participating fully in planning the evacuation. He owed it to all the people who’d followed him into the resistance to do everything he could.

That became even clearer as the meeting progressed and he found himself pointing out locations for raptor landing sites and suggesting people to lead evacuation teams that none of the others had thought of. It appeared that the experience of those early months setting up the resistance still counted for a lot despite his recent isolation. He felt guilty that he had cut himself off from the centre of things for so long, and was glad Kara’s words had finally pushed him back into it.

The plan for the mission was basically simple. Three resistance strike teams – consisting mainly of ex-military people – would attack three Cylon guard posts as a diversion while the rest of the resistance led the colonists out of the town to pre-arranged rendezvous points with the raptors that would take them back to the fleet. Once all the civilians were safely away, the strike teams would follow.

It was a good plan in theory; Lee just hoped it would work out in practice. However well you planned any mission, something unexpected could always happen to mess everything up. He also hoped the strike teams would make it out safely. They had the most dangerous part to play – although the plan he and Felix had hatched between them might help to give them more of a chance.

“Who’s going to lead the strike teams?” asked Helo.

“Tyrol and Racetrack will take one,” said Tigh. “I’ll take another, with Venner as my second.”

“Good choice,” said Laura. “Venner’s a sound man.” She sent Lee a reminiscent smile.

“And the third?”

“I’m leading it,” said Kara.

Lee stiffened. He hadn’t expected that. “Aren’t you needed up in the fleet?”

“I think you need me here more,” said Kara, carefully casual. She looked at Helo. “Don’t worry, I’ve already cleared it with the Admiral.”

Lee frowned. He had an uncomfortable feeling that she was staying here because she was worried about him. He wished she wouldn’t. He’d never forgive himself if something happened to her because of him.

“I’m sure they need you more up there-” he began, trying to think how to persuade her.

“Lee, I’m staying,” she interrupted, glaring at him. “That’s final.”

Lee looked at her face, set in those familiar stubborn lines, and sighed. He knew better than to try to argue with her in this mood. 

“Then I’ll join your team as your second,” he said.

He thought Kara looked pleased by the idea, but Laura smoothly intervened, shaking her head.

“I’m sorry, Lee, but I need you with me at the co-ordination point. I need an advisor with command experience and you’re the best person available. Costanza can go with Kara.”

Lee looked at her, his mouth twisting wryly. He knew what was really behind that remark. Laura didn’t trust him to keep out of trouble, and she wanted him close to her where she could keep an eye on him.

He bristled inwardly. He didn’t need special treatment, and he was tempted to tell her where to stick her orders and do what the hell he liked. If Kara was determined to do this, he wanted to be there to watch her back if he could.

But he didn’t. Laura wouldn’t back down easily, certainly not in public. Besides, he hadn’t forgotten his promise to Cally. Depending on how things turned out, he might not be there to help either Kara or Laura.

So he just nodded in agreement. Laura looked pleased, Kara looked annoyed, and they both looked suspicious at his easy capitulation.

“I just hope the three diversion raids are enough,” muttered Tigh, frowning. “But we don’t have enough people for another strike force.”

Lee took a deep breath. Time to speak up. He’d kept quiet long enough; they needed to know this now.

“Well, actually,” he said, “Felix and I have arranged another diversion.”

They all turned to stare at him.

“What?”

Lee smiled to himself. “We’re going to blow up the Cylon government building.”

There was an instant of stunned silence and then they all began speaking at once, exclaiming or firing questions at him.

Eventually Laura managed to make herself heard.

“What did you say, Lee?”

“Felix is going to blow up the Cylon government building,” repeated Lee. “We arranged that you would send up a flare when the strike forces are in place, and then he’ll set off the bomb. With any luck a lot of Cylons will be in the building, and it’ll certainly cause chaos.”

“Felix?” growled Tigh. “Felix Gaeta? What does he know about explosives? He’ll probably mess the whole thing up.”

“No, he won’t,” said Lee, glaring at Tigh. “I’ve shown him what to do. He’ll be fine. I’ve already laid the charges and attached the detonators. All he has to do is trigger the explosion.”

“You laid the charges?” Laura was staring at him, her mouth set in a thin line. “When?”

Lee shrugged. “Over the last few months. Felix has access to the building, he let me in after dark.”

“You’ve been sneaking into the Cylon headquarters after dark? To set explosives?” Laura’s voice rose with each question. “What if the Cylons had caught you?”

“They didn’t.” Lee didn’t understand why she was so angry. Sure, it had been dangerous, but the risk had been worthwhile, particularly now the fleet was back and the explosion could help make the evacuation successful. 

“Where did you get the explosives from, anyway?” asked Tigh.

“Stole them from the Cylons.” Felix had helped with that too.

“Without telling us?” Laura fixed him with an icy stare. “I don’t appreciate being kept in the dark about this, Lee.”

Lee shifted uncomfortably under her gaze. She was one of the few people he’d met who could stare his father down.

“I thought the fewer people who knew the better.”

“Well, I should have been one of those people. I’m in charge here, Lee.” Her voice was quiet, but the edge in the words cut sharply.

“You’re right,” he admitted. “I’m sorry. It’s just-”

“You were afraid I’d stop you.”

“Yes,” he said, meeting her eyes fully.

Laura looked grim. “I probably would have.” She sighed. “You took an incredible risk, but it’s done now, and if it pays off-”

“It’ll really improve our chances,” said Helo. He grinned at Lee. “Nice work, Apollo.”

Lee’s eyes drifted to Kara. She was grinning at him, eyes shining. “Glad to see you’ve been doing more with your time than brooding,” she said, with a wink.

Lee found himself grinning back.

\---

Kara tried several times that day to get Lee alone, but luck wasn’t with her. After the meeting finished, Tigh dragged him off to get the exact details of his explosion plan.

Kara couldn’t help smiling whenever she thought of that. Looked like Lee hadn’t given up entirely after all.

By the time Lee finished with Tigh, Kara was busy finalising details with Helo before he went back to Galactica. Lee had disappeared, and when she finally tracked him down, he was deep in conversation with Cally.

Kara didn’t want to disturb them. Cally looked upset, and she could guess what about. She’d overheard Cally and Tyrol having an argument earlier – well, she’d hardly been able to avoid it, as they’d been screaming at each other in the middle of the main cavern. Everyone had sat there in stunned silence; the couple were both usually so easy-going no-one had been able to believe they were having a public fight.

From what Kara had heard it sounded like it had begun because Tyrol wanted Cally to go back to Galactica with Helo, and Cally was having none of it. She screamed that she wasn’t leaving without her baby, and Tyrol shouted back that he wasn’t going to risk losing her again. Cally snapped that she’d make her own decisions, and Tyrol told her she wasn’t thinking straight at the moment.

Kara had felt embarrassed at overhearing such a private argument, and she had been relieved when Cally finally stalked off. It looked as if she was finding relief by pouring out all her woes to Lee, so Kara decided that it was best to leave them to it.

She went back to Helo, and ended up escorting him to meet his raptor. As he climbed on board, Kara wished for a moment she was going with him, that she could fight this out in the air where she belonged rather than on the ground.

But if she did go back to the fleet she would be stuck in CIC rather than out in a viper anyway. She’d get more action here, and it was true what she’d said in the meeting – the resistance did need her. They needed all the experienced soldiers they could get.

So she saw Helo off, and trudged back to the caves. The gods were finally smiling on her, because the first person she saw was Lee. She made straight for him, not giving him time to back away.

Before she could open her mouth, Hot Dog interrupted them.

“Roslin wants to see you, Lee,” he said, stepping back a pace at Kara’s glare. “And from the look on her face I wouldn’t keep her waiting.”

Kara swore inwardly, but she knew Roslin wouldn’t summon him unless it was important. She could talk to Lee afterwards.

Lee left, and after a moment she decided to follow him. She could wait outside and make sure he didn’t slip away again.

Arriving outside Roslin’s office, she could hear the other woman’s voice clearly through the curtain, and realised what Hot Dog had meant. She’d never heard Roslin sound so angry.

“I’ve just received a message from the town,” Roslin was saying, clipped and furious. “It seems Gaius Baltar has been murdered. I don’t suppose you’d know anything about that, Lee?”

  
  



	13. Chapter 13

_ Frak. _ Lee had been hoping Laura wouldn’t find out about Baltar until the evacuation had started and she had bigger problems to worry about. He’d known she wouldn’t be pleased.

“Was it you, Lee?” she repeated sharply when he didn’t reply.

Lee lifted his chin. He wasn’t going to lie to her.

“Yes.”

Laura looked slightly taken aback. “You  _ killed _ him?”

“Yes.” Lee didn’t mention Felix; he wasn’t going to drag him into this.

“Dear gods, why?” Laura was staring at him as if she’d never seen him before.

“He betrayed Ana. He betrayed her to the Cylons to save himself.”

Laura blinked as she digested the news.

“I’m not surprised,” she said finally, mouth twisting. “He always looked out for himself before anyone else. But...but you killed him?”

“He killed Ana.” He wasn’t going to let her make him feel guilty about this. Baltar had deserved what he got. “Probably others, too. Who knows how many people he betrayed?”

“So you just shot him out of hand?”

Something inside Lee snapped. How dare she look at him like that, as if she were disappointed in him?

“Why not?” he demanded, holding her eyes. “Are you going to judge me for it? You’re hardly in a position to do that.” 

He didn’t say Cain’s name but he could see the memory of her in Laura’s face. He stared at her challengingly for a moment, before she dropped her eyes away from his.

“I’m not judging you, Lee,” she said. “I’m just...surprised. The Captain Apollo I first met wouldn’t have done that.”

Lee flinched despite himself. He had forgotten how much damage Laura could do with a few quiet words.

She looked back up at him, and as he met her eyes, other memories rose to the surface of his mind. The way he had stopped Kara shooting Zarek, pulled a gun on Tigh to stop him arresting Laura, condemned his father for assassinating Cain. It seemed so long ago, almost as if it had all happened to someone else. Everything had seemed so much simpler then…

“You mean back when I was naïve enough to think right was right and wrong was wrong and it was easy to tell the difference?” 

“Lee-” 

Why did she look so sad? He didn’t regret the loss of that previous self. He was better this way, stronger. And she, more than anyone else, was responsible for the change in him. He’d believed in her, looked up to her, thought she was true to her principles. Until he’d found out she’d approved Cain’s assassination. Until Ana told him how she’d tried to fix the election, and he’d realised she was just as self-serving and ruthless as everybody else.

He smiled bitterly. “Well, events taught me otherwise. I’m not that foolish any more. I know now that you have to do what you think is necessary to achieve your ends, even if it’s unpleasant. And that if you want justice you have to get it yourself, because you can’t rely on anyone else for it.”

She heard the accusation in his final words and looked at him warily. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, what would you have done if I’d come to you about this?” demanded Lee. “Given your approval?”

“I would have-”

“You would have told me to leave Baltar be,” he said, and could see the truth of it on her face. “Told me not to rock the boat, to let him go free because his death might upset the Cylons.”

“That’s exactly what I would have done.” Suddenly the fire surged back into her. All traces of distress disappeared; she was the president again, commanding and certain. “Because it’s true and you know it. His death will have the Cylons buzzing; they’ll be looking for the killer, investigating, arresting people, maybe doubling their guards.” The anger mounted in her voice with every word. “How could you do this, Lee? Just now? This could wreck all our plans for the evacuation!”

“Not necessarily. There’s only a day to go before we make our move, they can’t do much damage in that time.”

“Can’t they? I wouldn’t count on it.” She was looking at him with cold fury. “You knew that, Lee, don’t try to pretend you didn’t. You deliberately decided to take this risk, and you had no right to do that.”

Lee didn’t answer. He knew she was right, but he’d had to do it. If he hadn’t dealt with Baltar now, before the evacuation, he would have lost his chance, and he wouldn’t have been able to live with that. He owed it to Ana. He’d promised.

“It’s my own fault for not keeping you under closer watch,” said Laura. “I knew you were reckless, that your judgement was flawed. I should have realised you might do something like this.” Her voice was cutting. “I suppose I just thought you would have more care for your friends’ lives.”

That comment cut deeply, and he felt compelled to defend himself. “You don’t understand. I do care about them, but-”

“But what?” 

“But I promised Ana.”

“Promised her what?”

“I promised her that I wouldn’t let the Cylons win,” he said. “That I’d make them pay for what they did to her. It was the last thing she ever said to me.” As he spoke the words the cave disappeared around him. Suddenly he was back in that prison cell, looking into Ana’s determined eyes, listening to her frantic voice as the bolts were drawn back on the door…he realised he was shaking.

“So that’s your justification?” Laura asked coldly. “Revenge? Is that more important than your friends’ lives?”

“Don’t tell me I don’t care about their lives!” he exploded. “I let Ana die to save their lives! She knew what they were going to do to her, you know. She made me promise that I wouldn’t give in to them, however much they hurt her. That I wouldn’t say anything to give our friends away. And I didn’t.” Other memories rushed back, all too vividly, and he tried to push them away. He couldn’t face that, he couldn’t-

“Lee.” Laura’s voice was horrified. “Lee, I didn’t know. I’m so sorry-”

“I won’t let her have died for nothing,” he said desperately. “I promised her I wouldn’t let the Cylons win, and I’m going to do anything I can to make sure of that, whether you like it or not.”

He blinked, trying to clear his vision, and Laura came back into focus. She was looking at him with sympathy, but there was a hard edge to it.

“Then I’m afraid I will have to confine you to the caves. I can’t risk you jeopardising our plan with any more foolhardy actions. I’m sorry, Lee.”

He nodded, although he barely registered what she was saying. Ana’s voice was still echoing in his head, as strong and clear as if she was the reality and Laura was the memory.

The small space seemed to press in on him. The walls blurred, and for a moment he was back in that cell again, watching Ana-

He needed to escape, needed to breathe.

“Are you finished?” he said harshly, and Laura seemed to take pity on him. She nodded.

He hurtled out of the room, barely noticing Kara as he brushed past her in the passage. He was sure Laura had already given orders not to let him outside, so he headed for the cave he normally slept in, hoping for privacy.

No-one was there. Lee collapsed onto his blanket and curled up into a ball, wrapping his arms tightly around his legs to stop the tremors that were shaking him to the core.

It didn’t help. All he could see in the dim light was Ana’s bruised face, all he could hear was her screams. He’d desperately blocked out the memories for months, built a dam against them so that they only leaked through in his dreams. Speaking about it to Laura had cracked that dam, increased that trickle to a torrent. The memories were forcing their way out, and he didn’t have the strength any more to hold them back. He could feel something breaking within him.

The floodgates finally shattered, and he buried his face in his hands as the tears came.

\---

Kara stared after Lee as he almost ran past her down the passageway. She’d never seen him look like that before. She’d seen his tight self-control slip often enough, but never seen it so close to shattering completely.

She couldn’t move for a moment, too bewildered by all she had overheard. Everything Lee had said about Dee’s death had ripped into her, as deep and vicious as stab wounds.

“Go after him.”

She turned to see Roslin in the entrance to her office, holding back the curtain.

“You heard, didn’t you?” she said. 

Kara nodded mechanically.

“Then go after him. He needs you.”

Kara wasn’t sure that was true. Lee had never needed her before; he always managed just fine on his own. She was the screw-up, the one who needed support. But something in Roslin’s eyes pushed her into movement and she found herself hurrying after him.

She had a hunch where he’d gone, and it proved to be right. She peered cautiously into the cave where they slept, and there he was, huddled up on the floor.

Even in the dim light Kara could see he was shaking. He was making a strange, choked noise, and a horrified moment later, she realised what it was. He was crying.

She made to turn and walk away, leave him to his privacy. She was sure he wouldn’t want her intruding. He didn’t need her.

Then she suddenly remembered Lee’s angry words when they had argued at the lookout, the way he’d accused her of not caring about his problems. Wasn’t she just proving him right?

She took a deep breath. She couldn’t bear the thought that she might be letting him down if she just left him. 

She could do this. The worst that could happen was that he’d push her away.

When she entered the cave she half-expected him to jump up angrily and tell her to get out, but he didn’t. In fact, he didn’t seem to realise she was there, even when she sat down beside him. It was only when she put a tentative hand on his shoulder that he looked up.

“Kara?” He stared at her, red-eyed and bewildered.

“Lee.” She instinctively put an arm across his trembling shoulders. “It’s all right, Lee. I’m here.”

She held her breath, expecting him to push her arm away. Instead his face crumpled and he moved into her embrace, burying his head against her shoulder. After a moment she realised he was crying again.

She didn’t know how long they sat there. She didn’t try to talk to him; just sat silently holding him until his sobs died away and his shaking gradually subsided. 

She realised the tension in her own body was easing as well. Her awkwardness ebbed away, and it began to seem natural to be holding him, to be comforting him like this. He didn’t seem to mind.

The thought made her feel warm inside. One of the reasons she had thought there could never be anything solid between Lee and herself was because she had never been able to see that there was anything she had to give him. He was so self-sufficient, so controlled, running his life so competently – why would he ever need her?

Looking down at his bent head, she began to think that maybe she had been wrong. Maybe he wasn’t as strong as she’d always thought. Maybe he did need her a little after all.

He finally lifted his head, looking embarrassed. “Kara, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” she said, smiling at him.

He blinked in surprise. “Kara-”

“It’s all right.” He was staring at her, his eyes full of pain, and she couldn’t bear it. All she wanted to do was to wipe that hurt away, make him smile again. 

She kissed him.

His lips were salt from his tears. She felt his mouth tremble under hers and then respond, moving to meet her, kissing her back.

It lasted for one long blissful moment before he jerked his mouth away.

“I can’t do this.” His blue eyes were wide and stricken. “Kara, I can’t do this.”

He pushed her arm away and stood up. He was shaking again.

“Lee-” Kara didn’t know what to say. She bit her lip, trying to hold back the tears that were building within her.

“I can’t do this,” he said again, desperation in every syllable. He took a step back from her, and Kara flinched. “Ana-”

That name cut Kara to the core. She scrabbled for the words to explain.

“I wasn’t trying to...I know how much you loved Dee-”

Lee made a strange choking sound. 

“Loved her? Don’t you see that’s exactly the problem? I didn’t love her. Not enough.”

Kara stared at him, bewildered. “I don’t-”

“And do you know why that was?” Lee’s eyes locked with hers, fierce and desperate. “Because I loved you. Loved you so frakking much that there was no room left for her.”

_ What? _

Kara’s mouth fell open. 

_ He loved her? _

For a moment she couldn’t breathe.

“I didn’t love Ana enough, and that’s why she died.”

Kara found her voice again at those bitter words. “What do you mean?”

“She never wanted to move to New Caprica,” Lee said. “But I persuaded her. Because I was so desperate to leave the fleet and get as far away from you and Anders as possible.”

Kara stared at him, mind racing.  _ That _ was why he’d left the fleet? She’d never realised that her being with Anders had bothered him so much. Every time they’d spoken about it he’d said how pleased he was for her, how great it was to see her happy-

“If I’d loved Ana more we would have stayed with the fleet. If I’d loved her more I would have made our marriage work, and then when she offered to stay and spy on the Cylons, I wouldn’t have let her. Because I’d have wanted her with me, not felt relieved that it gave me an excuse to keep her at a distance.”

“Lee-” Kara forgot her own concerns. She couldn’t bear the anguish and self-loathing in his voice. “You shouldn’t blame yourself-”

He didn’t seem to hear her. “And if I’d loved her more,” he said dully, the fire dying out of his eyes, “I would have told that Cylon every last frakking secret the resistance had to save her life. But I didn’t. I sat there and watched him kill her and I didn’t do a damn thing to stop it.”

“But then everyone else in the resistance would have been captured or killed. She wouldn’t have wanted that, Lee,” said Kara. She invested her voice with as much conviction as possible, trying to make him believe it. “You said yourself that she made you promise not to talk, whatever they did.”

“I know.” Lee nodded, but the bleakness didn’t lift from his face. “But I can’t help feeling I should have ignored her.”

“You shouldn’t. Dee was a soldier, Lee. A fighter. She wouldn’t have wanted to live at everyone else’s expense.”

Something flickered across his face, but Kara wasn’t sure if she’d got through to him or not. After a moment he turned away, as if he didn’t want her to see what he was feeling.

“Kara, could you just...I need to be alone for a while.”

Kara shifted uncertainly. She wasn’t sure leaving him alone was a good idea just now. She’d never seen him so...so devastated, wasn’t sure what he’d do. “I don’t-”

“Please?”

That broke her. It was so rare to hear Lee plead for anything.

“All right. I’ll be just outside if you need me.”

“Thanks.”

She went outside and sank down against the rocky wall. Suddenly her legs wouldn’t support her any longer.

Everything Lee had said had shaken her to the core. She understood now why Dee’s death tormented him so much, why he was so obsessed with destroying the Cylons, even at the risk of his own life. Now she understood, perhaps she had a better chance at helping him through this, to stop him drowning in his guilt and grief.

She should start thinking how she could do that.

But her treacherous mind kept drifting to something else. Kept replaying certain words he had said in her head, over and over.

_ I loved you so frakking much that there was no room left for her. _

And deep below all her concern for Lee there was a stubborn warm glow around her heart that refused to go away. She’d sometimes thought that Lee loved her, but she’d never been certain of it until now.

She pulled a face, disgusted with herself, and struggled to get her thoughts under control. She shouldn’t be mooning over this like some dreamy-eyed idiot. She had more important things to think about. 

She was an officer in the colonial fleet, and she had a planet to evacuate.

She firmly directed her thoughts to the mission, and had solved several niggling problems by the time she decided Lee had had enough brooding time and went back into the cave to talk some more sense into him.

But the cave was empty. He wasn’t there.


	14. Chapter 14

“Lee?”

Kara looked around the cave, heart thumping, peering into corners, pushing back the curtain around the washing area.

He wasn’t there.

She couldn’t understand it. Sure, she’d been lost in her thoughts, but not so distracted that he could have walked past without her noticing.

Where the hell had he gone?

“Lee!” she shouted again. 

“Starbuck?” 

Kara turned to see Racetrack at the cave entrance, looking at her curiously. “Something wrong?”

“Lee’s disappeared. I was right outside, but when I came back in here he was gone. I can’t understand how-”

Comprehension spread across Racetrack’s face.

“Starbuck, there’s another way out of this cave.”

“There is?” Kara stared at her, feeling like an idiot. “Where?”

“Over here,” Racetrack headed for the far corner. “That’s why Apollo chose this cave originally. He said he never liked sleeping anywhere that didn’t have two ways out.”

Of course. Damn Lee and his habit of planning ahead. Kara swore inwardly, furious with herself. 

Now that Racetrack pointed it out, she could see it; a narrow opening in the wall, only visible when you stood directly in front of it. “Where does it go?”

“Out to the cliffside,” said Racetrack. “It’s a bit of a scramble, but you can get through.”

“Right,” said Kara, and squeezed into the narrow opening. 

“Starbuck, what’s going on?” said Racetrack, following her. “Tigh said Roslin had given orders Apollo wasn’t to leave the caves. Why?”

“Because she’s afraid he’s going to do something stupid and endanger the mission,” snapped Kara. “So am I.”  _ Though I’m more worried he’s going to endanger himself. _

As Racetrack had said, it was a scramble, but they eventually pushed their way out through a thorny bush onto the cliffside, only a few yards from the main entrance to the caves.

Kara looked around, but Lee was nowhere in sight. She tried to calculate how long it had been since she left him alone in the cave. Half an hour, maybe? Long enough for him to get a good head start.

He must be going to the town, but how would she find him when she got there? With the Cylons on the alert after Baltar’s death and probably stopping anyone who looked suspicious?

She had to try. She turned to Racetrack. “I’m going after him,” she said. “You get back to the caves, tell Roslin what’s happened.”

“Starbuck!”

Kara turned in surprise at the sound of Tyrol’s voice. He was running towards them, his face pale.

“Have you seen her?” he asked, gasping for breath.

“Seen who?” asked Racetrack.

“Cally,” said Tyrol, his voice shaking. “She’s disappeared. I can’t find her anywhere.” He took a shuddering breath. “I’m afraid she’s gone to look for the baby.”

“She has,” said Kara slowly. “And Lee’s gone with her.” Everything was falling into place now.

“What? Apollo’s with her?” Tyrol gaped at her.

Kara nodded. She was sure of it. “They were having a long conversation earlier. And I overheard them talking yesterday. Lee was saying something about keeping a promise to her.”

“We have to go after them,” said Tyrol, his voice desperate. “The Cylons...anything could happen. I can’t lose her again!”

Kara put a steadying hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, Chief. We’ll find them.”

\---

Lee and Cally walked to the town in silence. Cally was obviously worrying about how Tyrol would react to her disappearance and not in the mood for talking. She was also annoyed with Lee because he’d been an hour late meeting her by the time he finally remembered their appointment and slipped out of the caves.

Lee was grateful for it. His thoughts were too scattered for him to be able to concentrate on a conversation. The turmoil of the last few hours had thrown him completely off balance, as shown by the fact that he’d nearly forgotten about meeting Cally.

He was outwardly calm again, but inwardly he was still quaking from the aftershocks of what had happened. Between the argument with Laura, his breakdown over Ana, and his encounter with Kara, the walls he’d built around himself had finally collapsed completely. The reassuring numbness had disappeared, and feeling rushed back with a vengeance.

Strangely, though, it didn’t hurt as much now when he thought about Ana, and what had happened to her. It was as if that explosion of emotion had purged him in some way. Cauterised the wound, although it was still raw and tender. 

He shook himself mentally, trying to think about something else. Unfortunately the only thing that sprang to mind was equally unsettling.

Had he really told Kara that he’d loved her? He flinched with embarrassment just thinking about it. What had possessed him to blurt that out? It was all past history now, unimportant…

_ Stop kidding yourself, Lee,  _ he thought ruefully. It wasn’t past history at all. He still loved Kara, had never stopped. He’d known that from the moment he’d seen her again, from the moment she hugged him after she landed, although he’d refused to admit it to himself until now.

It was just...it had felt like he was betraying Ana. He should be thinking about her, and keeping his promise to her, not about Kara. He’d spent enough time thinking about Kara instead of Ana when she was alive. He didn’t want to let her down like that again now she was dead.

He shook the thoughts away. He needed to concentrate on Cally now, and finding her baby. He looked across at her, struck by a sudden thought.

“Does your daughter have a name?”

“Not yet.” Cally’s face set in determination. “I’ll give her one when I find her.”

\---

The Cylons had increased their patrols, but Lee managed to avoid them, despite a few close calls. They’d increased security at the gate too, but fortunately he’d expected that. 

The labour gang they joined this time was one that contained several resistance agents, people he’d recruited back in the early days of the occupation. They knew the routine, and when Lee signalled his presence to one of them, they moved swiftly. Two of them distracted the Centurion guards while another two slipped out of sight behind the trees, and Lee and Cally took their places. At the gate the Cylon sentries meticulously counted that the number of workers who returned was the same as the number who had left. They looked at the workers more closely than they had before, but again the resistance agents helped. They kept just ahead of Lee and Cally in the line, and one of them pretended he was ill and collapsed just as they reached the checkpoint.

Lee couldn’t help admiring the man’s commitment; he even went so far as to stick his fingers down his throat and vomit all over the Cylon sentries’ feet. In the general confusion, Lee and Cally managed to slip past.

The Cylons had increased the patrols in the streets too. It made things awkward, and it was a long time before they reached the prison. 

They were posing as cleaners. Felix had given Lee workers’ passes and the entry codes, and told him which door was least used and lightly guarded. They got in without any trouble.

They picked up mops and buckets from a cupboard, and walked down the corridors, keeping their heads down. There were few Cylons about at this late hour, and those that they passed barely glanced at them.

Lee tried to act as casually as possible, although his mouth was dry and his heart hammering. Just the smell of this place made him sick to his stomach. The sounds of cell doors slamming as food was delivered to the prisoners made his muscles tense with the urge to run out of this place as fast as he could.

He looked at Cally, and forced himself to keep calm, stay focused. He needed to concentrate on following Felix’s directions successfully.

The administrative office was exactly where Felix had said it would be. Cally closed the door and stayed behind it as Lee headed to the computer on the desk, typing in the passwords Felix had given him. He had just got into the system and was entering Cally’s name when the door opened.

One of the Doral model Cylons entered. He was reading a piece of paper, and didn’t even look up until he had closed the door behind him. He started in surprise as he looked up and saw Lee pointing his gun at him.

Then he recovered his composure and smiled. “Is that weapon supposed to frighten me? You can’t kill me; don’t you know that by now?”

“Who said anything about killing?” said Lee, as Cally stepped up behind the Cylon and used the butt of her gun to knock him out with one well-placed blow.

\---

“Run this by me again,” said Kara, as she and Tyrol hurried through the woods. “You planted a tracker on your wife?”

Tyrol looked uncomfortable. “I was worried about her,” he said defensively. “She’s obsessed with finding our daughter. I’ve told her time and again I’d go looking for her once the evacuation was underway, but she wouldn’t believe me. I was afraid she’d take matters into her own hands sooner or later.”

“Well, at least it means we’ll be able to find them,” said Kara. She just hoped they didn’t get into too much trouble before that happened.

Tyrol’s face set hard. “What the hell did Apollo think he was doing, taking her into the town?”

“Don’t blame Lee,” snapped Kara. “Cally does have a mind of her own, you know.”

Tyrol didn’t look convinced. “If anything happens to her, I’m going to kill him.”

Kara glared at him. “Well, if anything happens to Lee, I’m going to kill Cally.”

\---

By the time Cally had bound and gagged the unconscious Cylon Lee had got into her prisoner records. He scanned the screen quickly, ignoring the twist in his stomach as he read some of the words. He knew what they’d done to her, but seeing it written down so clinically made it worse somehow.

His eyes caught the words ‘female baby’ and he stopped scrolling. Read the lines carefully.

He gasped.

Cally’s head shot up. “What is it?”

“I’ve found it,” said Lee slowly. “Who’s got your daughter.”

Colour rushed into Cally’s cheeks. Her eyes shone. “Who is it?”

Lee looked back at the screen, still not quite believing what he saw.

“It’s Boomer.”


	15. Chapter 15

Lee knew where Boomer lived. Ana had found out early on that one of the Cylon leaders was none other than the same model of Sharon Valerii that had served on the Galactica, and the resistance had kept an eye on her ever since.

She chose not to live in the Cylon government building, as most of the other Cylons did. She had a small tent pitched out on its own, at the edge of the town, away from both humans and Cylons.

Isolated enough to make it easy for Lee and Cally to make their way to the tent unobserved, even in daytime.

Boomer was definitely there. Lee could hear her humming a tune to herself, a song he remembered hearing on the radio everywhere last time he was on Caprica, so long ago.

He caught Cally’s eye and held up his hand to tell her to wait. He wanted to make sure no-one else was there before they moved in.

In the silence, a baby started crying.

Cally moved so fast Lee had no time to stop her. He swore and rushed after her into the tent, gun at the ready.

With relief he discovered that the tent was empty except for Boomer. She was standing at the far end, holding a baby in her arms, eyes wide.

“Cally,” she said, and half smiled. “I knew I’d be seeing you someday.”

Cally didn’t return the smile. Her whole being seemed to be focused on the child Boomer held.

“Give me my daughter back.”

Boomer’s arms tightened round the child. “She’s quite happy where she is.”

Cally finally tore her eyes away from the baby to look at Boomer. Lee had never seen her face so hard. “You stole her from me.”

Boomer’s face hardened in return. “No, I didn’t. I saved her.”

“Saved her.” Cally laughed jerkily. “From what?”

“They were going to kill her, Cally. They thought it would be kinder. But I couldn’t let that happen to her, so I took her instead.”

“So you saved her out of the kindness of your heart?” asked Cally contemptuously.

“Hardly.” Boomer’s mouth twisted bitterly. “I’m a Cylon. We don’t have hearts, do we? I saved her because she belonged to Galen.”

“And to me. I’m her mother. Give her to me.”

“Why? So you can take her back to the resistance? She’s doomed there,” said Boomer. “You have no hope of success, don’t you see that? We’re crushing you, slowly but surely. If you take her back she’ll die in an attack, or slowly from hunger when you’re all dead around her.” She stroked the baby’s head gently. “She’s better off here with me. At least she has a future. I’ll take good care of her.”

“I’m her mother.” Cally fired each word with rising force. “Give her to me.”

“No.”

“Then I’ll make you.” Cally raised her gun, and Lee stepped forward.

“Cally...be careful-”

“Are you going to shoot me, Cally?” Boomer laughed unevenly. “Wasn’t once enough for you?”

“Obviously I didn’t do it right,” Cally spat. 

Lee jumped forward, grabbing her shoulder. “Cally, calm down. If you fire you might hit the baby, it’s too dangerous-”

She looked up at him, tears glittering in her eyes. “I won’t let her keep my baby, Lee. I won’t.”

Lee looked over at Boomer. He pushed down the surge of anger the sight of her automatically aroused, the memory of her shooting his father.

“Boomer, please.” He tried to make his voice as pleasant as possible. “Give Cally the baby. She belongs with her mother.”

“A mother who’s pointing a gun at her.” Boomer’s voice was thick with disgust.

“She’s putting the weapon down.” Lee held Cally’s eyes, trying to get her agreement. “Aren’t you, Cally?”

For a moment Cally glared at him. Then she sighed, and lowered the gun.

“Give her the baby, Boomer,” said Lee. “Please.”

For a moment Boomer wavered. Her face softened, but then the child in her arms moved and gurgled and her face hardened again.

“No, I won’t.”

Cally brought the gun back up.

“Cally, no-”

“I won’t let this happen.” Cally’s face was white and desperate. “She’d be better off dead than with that machine-”

“Cally!” The look on her face chilled Lee to the bone. “Cally, listen to me-”

“Sharon?”

The new voice froze them all into silence. Lee turned with amazement to see Tyrol entering the tent, closely followed by Kara. 

Tyrol smiled at Cally briefly, then looked past her to the end of the tent.

“Sharon, is that you?”

“Yes.” Boomer looked as if she could hardly believe her eyes. “Yes, Galen. It’s me.”

Tyrol walked forward slowly. “And is that my daughter?”

“Yes.” Boomer looked at him pleadingly. “I saved her for you, Galen. They were going to kill her.”

“Were they?” Tyrol’s voice trembled. “Thank you for doing that, Sharon.” His voice was gentle. “But you have to give her to us now.”

Boomer’s face hardened. “You won’t take care of her.”

“Yes, we will. We’re her parents, Sharon. She belongs with us.”

“She belongs with me.”

“No she doesn’t!” Cally screamed.

Tyrol turned to look at her. “Cally, go outside with Starbuck.”

Cally stared at him incredulously. “I’m not leaving without her, Galen.”

“I’m not asking you to. But I think it’s best if I talk to Sharon without you here.” He stepped forward and stroked Cally’s cheek with one hand. “Trust me, Cally. Please.”

Cally closed her eyes and sighed, leaning into his hand. “All right.”

She walked to the flap and Kara gently drew her outside.

Tyrol turned back to Boomer. “Sharon-”

“How could you marry her, Galen?” Her voice was full of anguish. “Her, of all people? She killed me!”

Pain flickered across Tyrol’s face. “She was there for me when you weren’t. I love her, Sharon.”

Lee retreated towards the flap. He felt uncomfortable listening to this.

“You loved me once.” Boomer stared at him fiercely, daring him to deny it.

“I did,” said Tyrol without hesitation. “Part of me always will, I think. But there’s no future for us.”

Boomer looked down at the floor, face crumpling.

“Give me my daughter, Sharon,” said Tyrol quietly. “Please. I can’t thank you enough for taking care of her, but she needs to be with her mother now.”

Boomer didn’t answer.

“Please. I’m begging you, Sharon.”

Boomer stared down at the baby. Then with a choked sob, she moved towards Tyrol and pushed the baby into his arms.

Tyrol stared down at the baby, face glowing. “It’s all right, now,” he said quietly. “Your father’s here.” He looked up at Boomer. “Thank you, Sharon.”

Boomer turned abruptly away. “Don’t thank me, Galen. Just go.”

\---

They broke a gap in the stake fence to get out of the town. Speed was more important than concealment now; there were only a few hours left before the evacuation was due to begin. No-one spoke until they were safely under cover of the trees.

Lee looked at Cally. She was staring down at her baby tenderly, all the bitterness gone from her face. At least he’d done one good thing on New Caprica.

Kara looked at her watch. “We’ll have to split up. Four hours now until the op starts, we have to get into position.”

“What about Cally and the baby?” Tyrol asked.

“They can go with Lee to the co-ordination point. It’ll be the safest place for them, they can get straight on a raptor.”

Tyrol nodded. He went slowly over to his wife.

“I have to go now, Cally.” He reached out and stroked a finger over the baby’s head. “Take care of her, okay?”

Cally looked up in dismay. “Do you have to go?”

“You know I do. I have to meet Racetrack-”

Lee knew what he had to do.

“No you don’t,” he said.

Tyrol turned to look at him. “What?”

“You need to stay with your family,” said Lee. He wasn’t going to let Tyrol do this. “We’ll swap places. You’re an experienced soldier, you can advise Laura just as well as I can. I’ll meet Racetrack and lead the strike team in your place.”

“Thank you.” It was all Tyrol said, but the look in his eyes told Lee just how much this meant to him.

Lee nodded. He stepped forward and put a hand on Tyrol’s shoulder, then kissed Cally’s cheek. “Take care.”

They disappeared into the trees, and Lee turned to Kara. She was watching him with a smile.

“You have your moments, Apollo, you know that? Not many, but you do have them.”

He smiled back. “So do you. If you hadn’t brought the Chief along-”

“Just be glad he’d put a tracker on Cally.” Kara sighed. “I have to go.”

“I know.” Lee stared at her, searching for words. There was so much he wanted to say to her, and no time to say it in. “Kara-”

“Don’t.” She stepped forward and put a finger on his lips. “I’ll see you on Galactica, Lee. We can talk then.”

He opened his mouth and she shook her head.

“I’ll see you on Galactica, Lee.” 

Lee met her eyes, bright with unshed tears, and understood. He nodded slowly.

“All right, Kara. I’ll see you on Galactica.”

She bit her lip and nodded, and Lee found himself moving instinctively, pulling her into a hug. For a moment her body was rigid against his, and then she relaxed and hugged him back.

Lee buried his face in her hair, breathing her in, and realised suddenly that she was right. They didn’t need words. They were telling each other everything they needed to with this one gesture.

It ended all too soon. Kara gave him one last smile and then turned to leave.

Lee watched her until she disappeared from sight.

Just in case this was the last time he ever saw her.


	16. Chapter 16

Lee met up with Racetrack and the rest of the strike team without incident. Racetrack looked surprised to see him, but accepted the change easily enough. She and Lee had worked closely together in the first days of the resistance, and she trusted him.

Precisely as planned, Laura’s flare signalled the attack, and Lee moved his team into position, ready to blow up the fence on the eastern side of the town and attack the Cylon guard post behind it. Ironically enough, it was the one next to the prison.

He was about to detonate the charges, when there was a huge explosion. Bright light flared from the centre of the town and Lee had to look away, shielding his eyes. The ground shook beneath him and he nearly fell.

Lee grinned broadly. 

Felix had done it. Their plan had worked.

He allowed himself one moment of jubilation before he set off his own charges and ordered the attack.

\---

The plan worked better than Lee had hoped. The destruction of the government building – and most of the leading Cylons with it – caused utter chaos. Without clear leadership, the Cylons scattered to defend the three strike points, largely ignoring the fleeing civilians.

It wasn’t easy. Lee’s people were pushed hard, and he started to lose them one by one. By the time they killed the last Cylon defending the guard post he only had half of his original team left. 

He just hoped it had been worth it and the civilians had all been safely evacuated from this area of the town. 

He grabbed Racetrack’s arm. “I’m going to find Maria.” Maria Chambers was one of the first people he had recruited into the resistance, and had been put in charge of evacuating this sector. “See if we can fall back yet. You’re in charge here.”

Racetrack nodded. Lee beckoned to two of his team to come with him. They weren’t going far; Maria should be running things from a tent only a few yards away.

Lee kept a sharp lookout as they crossed the few yards of open ground, but they reached the tent without problems.

Maria was inside, talking to several other people. They all raised their weapons as Lee lifted the tent flap, but lowered them when he called the agreed password.

“Lee.” Maria smiled at him. “What’s the situation?”

“We’ve taken the guard post. What about you? Is the area clear?”

“All except for the prison.” Maria’s face was grim. “There are still prisoners in there, but also a lot of Cylons. We were just discussing what to do.”

“We can’t leave the prisoners,” said Lee. His heart was hammering so loudly it almost deafened him.

Maria’s eyes were dark with sympathy. “Lee-”

“We’re not leaving them.” He held her eyes, trying to convince her. “You just concentrate on getting the prisoners out, Maria. My team will deal with the Cylons.”

Maria looked uncertain. “I don’t want to abandon anyone either, Lee, but I’m not sure we can do this.”

“We can.” They could. He would make sure of it.

Maria looked at him ruefully. “If I don’t say yes, you’ll go in alone, won’t you?”

Lee nodded. “I’ve been in that prison, Maria. I won’t leave anyone in there if there’s a chance I can get them out.”

Maria watched him for a moment longer and then sighed. “All right, Lee. We’ll do it.” Her two companions nodded.

Lee blinked, slightly surprised. “You will?”

Maria shrugged. “You’ve never led us wrong before.” Her face darkened. “And we all worked with Dee. We haven’t forgotten her.”

Lee nodded. “Neither have I.”

\---

They used the same entrance he and Cally had used to get in only hours earlier. There were no windows on this side of the building, and they took a roundabout route behind the surrounding tents so the Cylons wouldn’t spot them.

Much to Lee’s amusement, his entry codes still worked. Once inside, everyone split up into the groups he had allocated – two civilians, two military – and began to search the building.

Lee and Racetrack were with Maria and a man called Joel who had been one of Dee’s recruits. They took the northern side of the building.

Lee knew the layout from the plans Felix had given him. The door in front of them led to a guardroom, with a row of cells beyond. They paused outside, and he held Racetrack’s eyes as he counted down with his fingers. Then they burst through the door.

Lee saw a brief flash of movement to his left, and turned as one of the Doral models jumped at him. Lee fired instinctively, and the shot caught the Cylon in the shoulder. He paused and then crumpled as Racetrack’s bullet took him directly through the forehead.

Lee smiled at her. “One down, Meg.”

She smiled back grimly. “Roger that.”

There was another Cylon in the corridor leading to the cells, a Biers model this time. She came running from the far end on hearing the shots. Lee waited until she was in close enough range and then signalled to Racetrack. They fired together, and the Cylon toppled to the ground.

Racetrack shouted for Maria and Joel. Lee looked at the line of heavy wooden doors. Each had a shuttered peephole at the top and a slot at the bottom to push food through. Memories swamped him and for a moment he couldn’t breathe.

“Lee?” He realised Racetrack was looking at him anxiously. “Are you okay?”

Lee took a deep breath, ignoring the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. He had to get a grip on himself.

“I will be,” he said fiercely, and kicked open the first cell door.

\---

Only half the cells were occupied, but that was more than enough. Almost all the prisoners were people Lee knew, people he had recruited for the resistance.

There were no women like Cally. They must have been kept in another part of the building. Part of him was grateful for that. It was bad enough seeing the state the resistance prisoners were in. All had been beaten and tortured by their captors, and two were barely able to walk. Maria and Joel had to help them out.

The looks of bewilderment on their faces at the sight of their rescuers cut Lee to the heart. He could remember feeling like that all those months ago when Felix had burst into his cell. When you had resigned yourself to the fact that there was nothing left, that you were going to die, the sudden appearance of hope was too much to believe in, too much to grasp.

Racetrack shepherded the last few prisoners down the corridor as Lee checked the last cell. He kicked open the door, stepped through – and someone slammed him into the wall.

Hands went round his neck, pinning him against the rough wood. Lee choked and struggled, trying to get a grip on his attacker, but the Cylon was too strong. His hands tightened, and Lee’s vision started to blur.

Suddenly the pressure stopped.

Lee blinked, confused, as the Cylon chuckled.

“Well, well. Look what I have here. If it isn’t Apollo.”

A Leoben model. Lee knew that voice all too well. 

The Cylon’s face came into focus before him, smiling.

“You just couldn’t stay away from me, could you?”

Their eyes met, and Lee knew. There was nothing to distinguish this Leoben model from any other, but at some level he  _ knew _ . Without a shadow of doubt.

This was the Leoben who had tortured him. Who had killed Ana.

The fury that surged through him at that moment was fiercer than anything he’d ever known. Nothing mattered but wiping that smile off Leoben’s face, making him pay for what he had done to Ana. He wasn’t bound and helpless this time. 

Somehow the fury gave him the strength to break the Cylon’s grip, and he hurled himself forward. Leoben staggered, and they both went crashing to the floor. They rolled around, grappling, each trying to get a grip on the other.

The blood was pounding in Lee’s ears. He launched an all-out attack on Leoben, not even trying to protect himself. He was going to kill this Cylon if it was the last thing he did.

His ferocity seemed to take Leoben by surprise. He faltered, and Lee managed to get on top of him and stay there. He got his hands round Leoben’s throat and started banging his head against the floor.

“That’s for Ana, you frakking bastard.”

He kept up the attack, blow after blow, not even noticing when Leoben’s body went lax and still beneath him and the Cylon’s eyes glazed over.

The next thing he was aware of was a hand on his shoulder. He jerked round, ready to attack.

“Lee, it’s me!” said Racetrack, taking a step back from him.

Lee stared at her, his mind slowly clearing. He’d forgotten for a moment where he was. “Meg. I have to kill him. He’s the one who killed Ana-”

She was looking at him with a mixture of horror and sympathy. “I think he’s already dead, Lee.”

Lee looked down and drew a sharp breath. Leoben’s eyes were wide and staring, and there was a sticky pool of blood spreading sluggishly from under his head. He hadn’t noticed that before. 

Suddenly there seemed to be blood everywhere. It was splattered all over his clothes, and his hands were covered in it. Lee lifted his palms and stared down at them, shuddering.

Racetrack touched his shoulder again. “Lee, come on. We have to go. We’ve got all the prisoners out, and the raptors are waiting.”

Lee nodded, getting slowly to his feet as her words sunk in and memory returned. He 

took one last look at the Cylon sprawled on the floor.

Then he followed Racetrack outside.

\---

Maria’s people and the prisoners were long gone by the time they got outside, but the remaining members of the original strike team were waiting. There were only eight of them now, Lee saw with a pang. He pulled himself together and gave the order to head for the raptors waiting outside the town.

Luck wasn’t with them. A group of Centurions spotted them as they emerged from the gap in the town fence, and gave chase. It slowed their retreat, as they had to take turns to run and provide covering fire.

Fortunately they didn’t have far to go. With no need for concealment now, the raptor had landed only a few hundred yards away.

Lee could see the raptor crew waiting for them, and decided they were close enough to make a run for it. He waved the others on ahead of him, turning to cover them.

Suddenly he felt something strike his thigh. Pain flooded through him and his leg crumpled beneath him.

Luckily he’d fallen next to a clump of trees. He dragged himself behind them, looking down in horror at the dark stain spreading across his trousers.

He looked up. The others had nearly reached the raptor. If he didn’t move now he was going to be left behind.

He tried to drag himself upright. Every movement sent a stab of agony through his leg. Everything started to blur at the edges and he leaned his head against the tree, trying not to faint.

_ I don’t have to do this. _

The thought was seductive. He didn’t have to do this. 

He could just stop. Just sit down against the tree and wait for the Cylons to come and kill him. And then this would all be over. He wouldn’t hurt any more.

He’d kept his promise to Cally. She had her daughter back.

He’d kept his promise to Ana. The colonists had escaped, and the Cylons hadn’t won. He’d killed the two people responsible for her death. Made them pay.

There was nothing to keep him from letting go now.

Or was there?

Images flooded through his head.

Felix, looking grave _. I didn’t save your life in that prison just so you could throw it away. _

Ana, in the prison cell. She had told him not to give in. Wasn’t this just another form of giving in?

Kara. Most of all, Kara.  _ I need you, Lee. _

Lee made a decision.

He wanted to live.

He wanted to see Kara again.

He was going to fight to get to that raptor.

He pulled himself upright, fighting off the agony that flooded through him, and set off towards the raptor as fast as he could go.

After a few yards, he knew with a sick feeling that it wasn’t going to be fast enough. A quick glance over his shoulder showed him the Cylons were getting closer. Bullets filled the air around him. Still, he forced himself onwards. He wasn’t going to fail from lack of trying. Not any more.

Then he heard someone shout his name, and suddenly Racetrack was there beside him. She hooked his arm over her shoulders.

“Come on, Lee! We’re nearly there.”

With her helping him, his pace doubled. The raptor got closer and closer – and then suddenly they were there, and the others were hauling him inside.

“Go, go, go!” Racetrack shouted at the pilot. The hatch banged shut and within seconds they were lifting away.

After a few minutes, Lee recovered his breath and looked at Racetrack.

“Thanks for coming back for me, Meg.”

She grinned at him. “No problem, Lee. You would have done the same for me.” She got out the first aid kit. “Now, let’s have a look at that leg.”

\---

His leg wasn’t as bad as Lee had feared. The bullet had gone through the fleshy part of his thigh, and although it hurt like hell, the bone didn’t seem to be damaged. Racetrack gave him some painkillers and bandaged it up as best she could. She even cleaned his bloody hands without comment. Then she moved on to someone else, and Lee was left to stare at the planet receding beneath him.

Thank the gods he was finally out of there. Even if they were shot down on their way to Galactica, at least he wouldn’t die on that damned planet like Ana had.

As he thought her name, he realised she was gone.

He couldn’t hear her voice. When he closed his eyes, her face wasn’t there.

It still hurt to think of her. The grief and the guilt were still there, but now they were less overwhelming. He supposed it made sense. He’d kept his last promise to her; maybe now she wouldn’t haunt him any more. And he was beginning to accept that what Kara had said had been true; Ana really wouldn’t have wanted him to betray everyone else to save her. She had been braver than that.

Maybe one day he would be able to forgive himself for listening to her, for doing what she had asked of him. 

_ Goodbye, Ana, _ he thought, looking down at the planet.  _ I won’t forget you. _ _ And I kept my promise. _

It felt strange, to know that it was finally done. He’d thought he would feel empty and lost, now that driving force that had kept him going for so long was gone, but he didn’t. He’d made a decision back on the planet to live, and he was going to stick to that. No looking back. No regrets. 

He was going to look to the future, now that he’d accepted that he had one.

He was going to see Kara. He wouldn’t let himself think otherwise. She’d get through this safely. He had to believe that.

He needed to thank her for pushing him into living again, for getting through to him when no-one else could. Tell her he needed her as well.

He closed his eyes again, and this time it was Kara’s face that he saw.


	17. Chapter 17

A smile broke out across Lee’s face as the raptor docked in Galactica’s hangar bay.

Home. He hadn’t expected to see it again.

They must have been the last raptor to arrive; as soon as they docked everything blurred in the familiar distortion of an FTL jump.

The raptor doors opened and a wave of noise crashed down around them. It sounded like the whole of the fleet was celebrating in the hangar bay. They all scrambled eagerly out to join in. Lee left last, leaning on Racetrack’s shoulder for support.

A familiar voice greeted him as he stepped into the hangar bay.

“I’ll take him from here, Racetrack.”

Lee looked up into his father’s face.

“Dad?”

“Lee,” said his father, and pulled him into a hug. Lee tensed in surprise for a moment, and then he put his arms around his father and hugged him back just as fiercely. A lump rose in his throat. He hadn’t realised until this moment how worried he’d been about his dad, or how much he’d missed him. For a moment he had a feeling of utter security, as if he was a child again.

“Lee.” His father pulled back to look at him, and Lee saw with a shock that there were tears in his eyes. Obviously his father had been just as worried about him. “It’s good to see you back.”

Lee found himself smiling. “It’s good to be back, Dad.”

His father’s face sobered slightly. “Helo told me about Dee. I’m sorry.” 

Lee struggled for words. 

“I’ll arrange a memorial service for her. Full honours,” said his father gruffly. “She died fighting the enemy, after all.”

Lee managed to find his voice. “Thanks. She deserves that.” All that and more.

A voice broke the melancholy silence.

“I see you’ve found each other.” It was Laura, pushing through the crowd to stand beside them.

“Yes.” Lee was relieved to see she’d made it, but he couldn’t help feeling awkward, remembering their last encounter. He’d said a lot of harsh things to her. “Laura, I’m sorry-”

“It’s all right,” she said, understanding what he was trying to say. “I’m sorry too. We’ll talk about it later.”

Lee nodded. This wasn’t the time. In any case, the smile on her face gave him all the reassurance he needed that their friendship wasn’t damaged permanently.

“It’s good to see the Adamas back together,” she said, and kissed first him on the cheek and then his father. Lee was amused to see his father flush slightly. He looked rather pleased though, and Laura’s eyes sparkled.

Bill was looking at the bandage around Lee’s leg. “What have you done to yourself this time?” His voice was sharp with anxiety.

“It’s all right. It’s not serious.”

His father didn’t look reassured. “We’d better get you down to life station. Cottle is busy re-establishing himself there.”

“That might have to wait,” said Laura, looking over her shoulder. “I think Lee has a visitor.”

Lee looked in the same direction, and realised somebody was pushing through the crowd towards them. The person was moving at a surprising pace, given the packed conditions, and leaving raised voices and swear words in their wake.

Lee’s heart soared. There was only one person he knew who could push through a crowd that ruthlessly.

He’d known she would be fine.

Still, the tension in his chest didn’t relax fully until he finally saw her. She was dirty and dishevelled, blood smeared across her forehead, but otherwise she looked undamaged as she barrelled through the crowd.

She saw him, and a smile of utter relief and joy spread across her face. Lee knew his own matched it.

“Kara!” said his dad. “There you are-”

Kara ignored him. She kept on walking, pushing past him to reach Lee. She pulled Lee into a hug, arms wrapping around him, and then, before Lee quite knew what was happening, she was kissing him.

Lee was too stunned to respond, and after a moment she pulled away, looking embarrassed.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-” She loosened her grip around his neck.

The movement panicked Lee into action.

“Don’t apologise,” he said, and firmly pulled her back against him. Then he kissed her, far more thoroughly than she had kissed him, and everything else faded away.

It was some time before Lee realised everyone was whistling and applauding around them. He and Kara separated, flushing slightly with embarrassment. 

Lee realised his father had been standing there the whole time and hesitantly sneaked a look at him. He wasn’t sure what to make of Bill’s expression. He looked slightly stunned, but at least he wasn’t staring at them in total horror.

When Lee looked back at Kara he decided he didn’t care what his dad thought. Her smile was even wider than before, if that was possible.

“Told you I’d see you on Galactica,” she said, with a slight hitch in her voice.

“Yes, you did.” Lee smiled back.

Kara looked at him closely and anxiety suddenly spread across her face. “What’s that?” She’d spotted the bandage.

“Kara, it’s nothing serious.”

“Come on, we’re going to life station,” she said, in a voice that he knew better than to argue with. “Put your arm round my shoulder.”

Lee did as he was told. Several people offered to help but Kara glared them away.

“I’ve got him.”

His father was looking highly amused now. “Looks like you’re in good hands,” he said to Lee. “I’ll check in on you later. I would come along, but-”

“You’ve got a thousand things that need to be done,” said Lee. “I can imagine. It’s fine.” He meant it; having commanded a battlestar himself for a short period, he knew first hand how many demands his father had on his time.

The thought of the Pegasus dimmed his happiness slightly. He’d heard on the raptor that the Pegasus had been sacrificed to destroy one of the Cylon basestars. At least most of the crew had got out in time.

\---

Lee and Kara made slow progress across the hangar bay. It seemed as if everyone there needed to stop and greet one of them.

Lee was relieved to see many familiar faces from the resistance. Tigh, Venner – and Felix!

“You made it!” Lee was so relieved he found himself giving Felix a one-armed hug, much to the other man’s surprise.

“So did you, I see,” said Felix. His eyes locked with Lee’s knowingly, and Lee nodded.

“Thanks for saying what you did, Felix. It helped.”

“Good,” said Felix. His smile broke out again. “Did you see the explosion?”

Lee laughed. “I could hardly miss it. So it all went according to plan?”

“Completely.” Felix grinned. “It was very satisfying. I must blow something up again sometime.”

“Gods, you’ve created a monster,” joked Kara, and dragged Lee away.

A few steps later, Lee was immensely relieved to see Cally and Tyrol, baby safely in tow. Lee declined the offer to hold her, but he smiled down at the baby and stroked her cheek.

“Have you named her yet?” he asked Cally, remembering their conversation on the way to the town.

Cally nodded. “I want to call her Anastasia.” She paused, looking at him intently. “If that’s all right with you.”

“Of course it’s all right with me.” Lee smiled past the lump in his throat. “I’m honoured, and I think she would be too.”

As they finally left the hangar bay, he realised there was one person he hadn’t seen.

“Where’s Hot Dog?” he asked. He’d expected the pilot to be in the centre of the crowd, bragging of his latest exploits.

Kara’s arm trembled, and when he turned to look at her she was staring down at the deck.

“He didn’t make it,” she said quietly. 

_ Gods, no. _ Lee closed his eyes. It wasn’t fair. After all Hot Dog had survived on New Caprica – the Cylon prison, the resistance raids – it seemed so cruel that he should die on the last day on the planet.

There was always a cost.

\---

They finished the walk to life station in silence. Lee’s spirits couldn’t help rising at the sight of Cottle, though. He was busy snapping at his staff and complaining that his equipment had been moved, and generally having the time of his life.

He scowled blackly at the sight of Lee.

“You got yourself shot  _ again _ ?”

He patched Lee up with much abuse, while Kara listened with a huge grin, and saw Lee off with the parting shot that he didn’t want to see him back in life station for at least a week.

Kara hooked Lee’s arm round her shoulders again.

“Kara, I can manage,” he protested. His leg hurt much less now it had been properly treated, and Cottle had given him more painkillers.

“Shut up.”

“Can I at least ask where we’re going?” said Lee, as she headed purposefully down the corridor.

“The doc said you should rest,” said Kara. “So I’m taking you somewhere you can rest.”

Lee shut up and followed her. He was beginning to feel very tired, and it was a relief to let her take charge. When they finally stepped through a hatch, it took him a minute to realise where they were.

“Aren’t these Tigh’s quarters?” he asked, sitting down with relief on a chair.

“No, they’re my quarters,” said Kara smugly. “I  _ am  _ still the XO until the old Man officially says otherwise. And I’m not giving these quarters up to Tigh one minute before I have to.”

“I suppose you will be losing your post,” said Lee slowly. “I hadn’t thought. I’m sorry.” He smiled suddenly. “Does that mean we’ll be fighting each other for the CAG job?”

“Absolutely.” Kara smiled back challengingly. “May the best woman win.”

Lee chuckled. Then he caught Kara’s eye, and the chuckle developed into a full-blown laugh. After a moment he found himself laughing uncontrollably, almost choking on it. Kara stared at him bewilderedly for several moments, and then gave in and joined him. The joke wasn’t that funny, but they both needed the release. Lee couldn’t remember the last time he had let himself go and just laughed.

When he finally controlled himself again, he saw that Kara was watching him curiously. 

“What happened, Lee?” she asked. “I can tell something did. You’re...different.”

He smiled inwardly. Trust her to notice. She always saw things about him no-one else did.

“I’m not sure exactly. It’s just...there was a moment, down there on the planet, when I could have just let go. Stopped trying to get to the raptor, stopped trying to live. But I didn’t.”

“Why?” Kara was watching him closely. Her eyes looked suspiciously bright.

“Lots of things,” he said. “Everything you said, Felix said...it just all came together, and I realised you were right. I was given a second chance when Felix rescued me from that prison, and I have no right to just throw it away. Ana...Ana wouldn’t have wanted that either. She never gave up herself, and she wouldn’t have wanted me to.”

Kara reached out and took his hand. “Took long enough for you to get that through your thick head,” she muttered. She squeezed his hand tightly. “What happened to Dee wasn’t your fault, you know. The Cylons killed her, not you. You have to believe that.”

Lee took a deep breath. “I think maybe I’m beginning to.”

“Good.”

Lee looked at her and smiled. “There was something else. That made me decide not to let go.”

“What?”

His mouth felt dry, but he pushed ahead with what he meant to say. If he was going to live, he was going to do it properly this time. No more evasions, no more denials.

“I wanted to see you again,” he said. Kara’s mouth trembled – just slightly, but he saw it and that gave him the courage to go on. “More than anything else. And I wanted to tell you that I need you too. I couldn’t have got through this without you.”

Kara’s lips were definitely trembling now. She looked down, hiding her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he said, feeling awkward. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just needed to tell you-”

“Lee.” The way she said his name stopped him short. He’d never heard her sound so vulnerable before.

“Yes?”

“There’s something I need to tell you too.” She took a deep breath, as if bracing herself. “When I told you before...about what happened between me and Sam...I didn’t tell you the whole truth.”

“You didn’t?”

“It was as true as far as it went.” Her voice was so quiet he could barely hear her. “Military life was a strain, but...but the real problem was that-”

“What?” Lee’s heart was thumping so hard it nearly deafened him.

Kara sighed and finally looked up. She was pale, but her eyes met his with determination.

“The problem was that he wasn’t you.”

Lee stared at her. Something caught in his chest.

“I love you too, Lee.”

“What?” His throat was so constricted he could barely get the words out. “Then why didn’t you say-”

Kara’s eyes sparked challengingly. “Why didn’t you?”

Lee looked away from her. “I was afraid,” he admitted.

Silence. Then, “So was I,” said Kara in a small voice. “You mean too much to me, Lee. I was afraid I’d screw it all up and lose you.”

He looked back at her, mouth twisting bitterly. “And was the alternative any better? We lost each other anyway, and just hurt other people in the process.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m just as much to blame. I let you push me away because I was too afraid to take a risk and try to stop you by telling you how I really felt.”

A rueful smile tugged at the corner of Kara’s mouth. “We really are a pair of idiots, aren’t we?”

“Yes.” Lee returned her smile. “But not any more.”

He reached out and pulled her towards him. She slipped easily into his arms, fitting against him smoothly, as if she had always belonged there.

Well, she had. They had just both been too stubborn and too afraid to admit it.

He kissed her, and it was different to any of the kisses they had shared before. Now there was no desperation, no fear, no uncertainty – just passion and tenderness and a mutual promise.

When they broke the kiss, he moved back a little so he could see her face. His eyes widened at the expression he saw there. Such pure, uncomplicated happiness - she was almost glowing.

“What are you thinking?” he said, and she sent him a mischievous smile that took his breath away.

“I’m thinking that we should make good use of these private quarters while we still have them.”

\---

Afterwards, they lay tangled together in the bed, drowsy and sated. Lee smiled to himself. He knew this little bubble of peace and contentment wouldn’t last. The Cylons were still after them, and there would be more hardships and danger ahead. But he knew now he could face it all, as long as Kara was at his side.

And she would be. He knew they needed to talk about the past, to get a lot of things out in the open, but the thought didn’t worry him. They could do this. Now that they were finally together, he wasn’t going to let anything push them apart again. Not even themselves.

He had almost drifted off to sleep when he heard her voice in his ear.

“Lee?”

“Yes?” he mumbled, trying to keep his eyes open.

“If you ever get married again, it had better be to me,” she said. “Or I’ll kick your ass all the way to Earth and back again.”

Lee grinned and turned his head to kiss her. “I think I can safely promise that.”

The End


End file.
